Stalled Out

Losing weight is hard. The struggle is real. Breaking bad habits is something you have to wake up and recommit yourself to over and over again. I haven't had a great week two so far. I did not get any of my four days of cardio in but I still have three days left. I'm having a bit of a pity party. Watching the Biggest Loser and I Used to be Fat is so helpful for me because I see the pathology, the quitting mentality, the pull to the unhealthy habits... So what can I do? 

1. I can stop obsessing over how far I gave to go. For some reason I equate working out and losing weight with being dissatisfied with my current state. That does not have to be true. 

2. I can celebrate how far I've come! I used to eat fast food all day everyday. I used to consume pop like it was water. At one time when I was 266 pounds I consumed almost 3,000 callries in a day! Now I only drink water and tea; I never eat fast food and I keep my caloriesto around 1,500 even on cheat days. Why not celebrate those facts??? Why not celebrate how my clothes fit??? Why not celebrate how clear my skin is??? Why not embrace myself. (Tears)

3. I am identifying a pattern of self-destruction. I see that whenever I start to accomplish something there is a part of me- afraid of failure, I guess, that starts to want to regress back to what's comfortable. This pattern is very hard to identify in myself but I can see it clearly in the clients I lifecoach. I have to identify and rectify this pattern as it is holding me back. Any suggestions?

Sustaining

This week has been challenging. I'm been very, very tempted to emotionally overeat. And I have not been able to get in my AM cardio because I've needed to be at work, Dr's appointment, work earlier than usual to make up the time for Monday when I was at my Grandfather's funeral. So, I am not feeling as good about this week as I did last week. But I have attended my two Body by Todd sessions and stuck pretty closely to the Shred Week 2 diet, although I have doubled my snacks every day.

I talked to my loving co-worker and the dietitian at my job and they suggested that I shoot for 2 pounds a week weight loss. I explained that I didn't want the goal to be so low that it would allow for me to slip up, but Carmen countered by pointing out that if I lost too fast, it would be more likely to come back... So I am going to modify my weight loss to be a little kinder and forgiving to myself. I am doing a great job, but the cravings this week show me that my body is rebelling a bit. And I don't want to lose the great ground that I have covered.

Although it's only been one and a half weeks, it seems like it's been much longer. And the euphoria from last week has worn off and the realization that this is a lifestyle commitment is settling in. I may not get the results that someone from bariatric surgery would get, but the results are going to come, and as Carmen reminded me, they will be more than just a smaller number on the scale!

One small victory for me today is that I have been medically cleared of Mysthenthia Gravis.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myasthenia_gravis) The doctors suspected that I may have had this autoimmune disease because I have an enlarged thymus gland or a thymoma which is common in a majority of people who have MG. Thank God after several tests, I have been cleared of this debilitating disease. I can now focus on my weight loss and the possible surgery to remove the tumor. I am breathing a sigh of relief. I have more reasons now to continue to push myself (gently) to know that I can break this plateau and that I will continue working until I get to my goal weight, even if it takes a decade. I'm worth it!!!!!

Drained

I traveled to Cleveland today for my Paternal Grandfather's funeral and I am drained- physically and emotionally. And I'm hungry- really hungry- I had 3 snacks after dinner and I still not full. This not the stomach- it's my emotions, and maybe a little bit of dehydration. How do I get through this feeling without ruining the 4 pound weight loss from last week? Especially with knowing that it will be very difficult to work out this week. I have to be at work at 8am and I have a procedure and a trial Weds. What is a girl to do? I need to work out first thing in the morning. That focuses me and forces me to think about everything I put in my mouth. What's the best thing for me? To sleep on it tonight and wake up with the same intensity I woke up everyday with tomorrow. Knowing that tomorrow is weigh in at Body by Todd. I love myself enough to let this day go and start over tomorrow!!!!

Beast Mode

Why would I return to a studio/gym where I encountered so much pain yesterday? Because I love myself enough  to push past the pain for a healthier, fuller life. Everytime the work out got rough, one side of me would say, "I could just quit. What's so bad about being fat?" And the fit girl inside would push back, "Everything." When I leaned over to my 16 year old and asked her "What's so bad about being fat?" She said,"Dying early." Dang. How's that for perspective. 40 crunches it is!

My husband told me twice this evening how proud he is of me. And not because I'm eating right- I've done that before- or exercised- I've done that before. It's because he sees the fire in my eyes. He can sense that this time it different. That all the excuses and procrastination is gone. It's do or die. As Beachbody says, It's time to "Decide. Commit. Succeed." That's just what I intend to do. 

Doing It!

I had a great workout this morning. I am pushing past all the obstacles and excuses and doing what I have to do. My neck is really bothering me, but I tuned it out in order to focus on the results I want. I just wanted to share my prep work for this week in hopes that it will help someone.

What did I need to get started?
Where?: Several fun aerobics, a gym membership and a personal trainer at Body by Todd
What?: I needed comfortable pants to work out in, a sports bra and a tank top- I also wore a sweatshirt to mazimize my sweat! I love what Dacia says: "Sweat is just fat crying!" I used to hate to sweat.
How?: How did I get to this point? I watched tons of Biggest Loser and I Used to Be Fat. These shows helped me to think about what my mind set needed to be in order to be successful. I realized if I didn't have the right mindset I would not lose weight for good. I am ready to lose the weight for good this time. I also began to really ruminate over how obesity is affecting my children's lives. Two of my daughters are overweight and I want to model great behavior for them before they get my age.
When?: The best time for me to work out is first thing in the morning. It gives me a great feeling of accomplishment that lasts all day. Studies have also shown that working out on an empty stomach helps you to burn calories all day. Also there's no excuses if all you have to do is wake up and hit the gym (or put in a DVD).
Why?: I am doing this for myself. I love my body, but I want to be in good health and I want to have an abundant life. I don't want to take medicine or give myself shots and I don't want to be hospitalized. I want to be active for my marriage and my kids and I want to live the life I tell others about when I life coach. I want to take advantage of the fact that I wasn't maimed in my car accident, and that I can walk without a limp. I want to be an encouragement to those around me that hard work pays off and that you don't have to settle for being obese because it's a family curse.

I had to plan because I realized that lack of planning was a major reason why I was not successful in the past. I also need a long term commitment. Even though I am only doing Body by Todd for six weeks, I am committed to this lifestyle for the duration. Even in maintenance phase I will still work out and still eat healthy. This is something I have to be committed to for the duration.

Here is my schedule for this week. My meal plan is adapted from Dr. Ian Smith's Shred Diet:

Starting Weight: 229

Goal Weight: 198

Time: 6 weeks February 10- March 21, 2014

Weekly Weight Loss Goal: 5.3 pounds

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
AM	Treadmill- HIIT	Hip-hop abs	Healing Yoga	Day off	Treadmill- HIIT	Healing Yoga	Day off
PM	6:30 QVR	4:30 QVR	QVR home	Date night	QVR home

Day	Breakfast 9:00am	Snack 1 10:30am	Lunch 12:00pm	Snack 2 3:30pm	Dinner 5:30pm
Monday	Cereal w/almond milk orange	Pretzels with fat free cream cheese	1 bowl of soup Green beans	1 ½ low fat string cheese	1 serving of broccoli with baked potato
Tuesday	Protein shake	½ cup peanuts	Protein shake	½ apple	6oz chicken 2 cups broccoli 2 cups spinach salad
Wednesday	2 boiled egg whites Grapefruit	Cottage cheese	Turkey sandwich on bread, small green salad	10 baby carrots w/dressing	1 small taco with brown rice
Thursday	Grilled cheese sandwich Grapefruit	10 baby carrots w/hummus	1 small green salad, 1 bowl of soup	3 cups popcorn (movies)	Small salad with veggies 1 chicken breast
Friday	Cereal w/almond milk orange	30 grapes	Fruit Smoothie apple	1 ½ low fat string cheese	1 piece fish 1 piece of bread
Saturday	Oatmeal apple	1 hard-boiled egg	Fruit smoothie apple	Cottage cheese and fresh pineapple (1/4 cup of each)	2 slices of pizza 1 serving of broccoli
Sunday	Grapefruit 2 boiled eggs 2 piece toast 1 cup of juice	25 peanuts	Skip	Natures Valley Oats n’ Honey granola bar	Side salad w/veggies and 1 chicken

Show up

Monique Coleman really touched me with her talk at the Purple Party sponsored by Jewish Family Services today. She said to show up- really show up in your life. I felt some type of way about that. Tomorrow I start training- really taking serious the fact that I want to get below 200 pounds. I've worked on my weight since I was 10 years old but I never quite had the tools that I possess right now and I'm planning on showing up in a big way.

One thing I'm going to do is prove to myself how serious I am. Yall remember summer vacation? When your mom used to threaten you- "If you don't get up, clean up this house- you won't do nothing this summer." You thought, "Yeah, whatever," until that day she woke your butt up at the crack of dawn and made you clean the kitchen, scrub the floor, wash and iron the clothes and then said "No!" When you asked to go to the fair that weekend. Mom Dukes was serious, and fed up with the foolishness. Well, that's where I am right now. My brain is Mom Dukes and my body is the lazy teenager on summer break. I don't want to hear excuses, complaining or whining. I just want this mess cleaned up! Ha! And it starts tomorrow morning with my first Hiit cardio. I want to test myself and see how bad do I want it BEFORE I see my trainer at Body by Todd. I'm prepared, I'm excited and I'm motivated! Let's go!

Body by Todd

I'm thinking that my experience is more like Body by God. As much as I want to lose weight I don't hate my body. I'm ready to nuture and take care of it. I'm ready to be discerninv about everything that goes in my mouth. 

The informational session at Body by Todd was amazing. It was packed and I'm interested to see who sticks with it. The thing I'm most excited about are the weigh ins and class. 

I did find out that I'll have to invest some time into finding good running shoes and a good sports bra- or two. 

Weight is not everything

I got some unbelievable news the other day- I stepped on the scale and I have only gained one pound since ending the Master Cleanse. Generally I will gain around 5 pounds after the cleanse. But I have been trying to do the Shred diet and working out periodically- but still that surprises me. Just goes to show that weight is not the whole story. It can be random and sometimes not reflective of your (lack of) hard work. Losing weight is something you commit to- like being married or being a loving parent. It's something you get back up and do again and again and again. And I am committed. This weekend I did something I have never done before- I bought a Groupon to a personal trainer- Body by Todd. And I'm actually excited about it. I feel the transformation coming. I'm not abandoning The Shred Diet, but I need more accountability. I need to put more pressure on myself so that the diamond will emerge from the coal. I love my body the way it is- I just want more out of life. I want to push myself harder, set a better example for my kids, be a better wife... It's in there and it's almost within my grasp. And taking control of this weight problem is one of the final frontiers for me. It's something I've wanted for so long, I had it at one time in college when I got to 175 but now I want it again. It's been sixteen years since I've been below 200 pounds- but this is that year. Stay tuned...