The Struggle Continues

If it wasn't weight it would be something else, right? There is always another bridge to climb, another barrier to cross. I'm proud of how far I have come and I have to remind myself to be kind and gentle with myself. Talking with my support person on fb yesterday really helped. But the TOM struggle is real and so is the birthday cake that I'm getting this weekend for my daughter, Kaissa who turns 16!!! Tell me friends do you take a day off occassionally or once a week and if so does that help or increase the cravings? I tend to find when I do indulge that the food never tastes as good as I thought it would taste and that I end up feeling that I could have been stronger if I had just held out. This is my last week wavering. February has to start off strong (although Valentines Day may be another struggle). The great thing about this time in my life is that there are so many people around me with a similar struggle and I see how hard they are working and how the hard work really does pay off (Katie Calhoun) and I feel inspired to keep going! Let me know those of you who have made a New Year's Resolution to lose weight or exercise how it's going for you guys. Sistas in the struggle- we are going to make it to our goal. The picture on the opening page is my reminder of how far I have come. Let's go!

Weight loss woes

I am really struggling with the Shred Diet. It seems most of the people that are in the Shred Facebook group are doing phenomenal but I've always struggled with Shred from the beginning. I just get hungry and overeat at the end of the day. Or I miss a meal and overeat. There is not a lot of structure in my day and I thought being at the office 30 hours a week would help with that. But twice a week, our lessons revolve around a healthy meal. And that healthy meal was fetuccini alfredo- it may have been healthy because it was made with whole wheat pasta but it was not on the list of approved meals for my Shred Meal 3... But I ate it and the homemade french bread to go with it and because I was already off track, I came home and had tacos and tortillas....

And the cravings are escalating because it's that TOM. So I have a new support person who is going to try to help me during the weekends (I start taking one meal off and it becomes the whole weekend off). This is the second week that I haven't been able to successfully get through the week on Shred and I'm getting bummed. I did so well on the Master Cleanse but I think maybe I didn't cleanse long enough to get rid of all my cravings, because they seem to be here- and with a vengeance. I need a mantra or an affirmation that I say daily that reminds me of how far I've come and encourages me to keep going. All my office mates are trying to lose and eat healthy so that is really a plus- and I'm doing a much better job at managing the stress in my life...

So I'm going to give it my all and keep trying no matter how hard it is (and boy does it seem hard). I'm also going to confess to my accountability partner on Shred that I'm struggling and maybe she can help me.

Keeping Pace

So pretty much my whole life has been run in hyper speed. My mom said I was born late and I've been running late ever since. I don't know but I've barely had a moment to catch my breath between school, babies, marriages, divorces, moving, and all the other drama, car accidents, health problems, career changes...But through it all, my smile has remained the same, my spirit still soars and I am still expecting the best out of life.

Something strange is happening. I'm slowing down. I thinking more long term. I'm able to visualize my future and think of the things that it will take for me to get where I want to go. My husband told me it's better for us to life separate for a while and stay married forever rather than to rush to live together and divorce in a year. We are slowing down and thinking about the implications of our actions for our future. We are still fun and impulsive but now there is more of a balance.

And guess what? The weight is not so much an issue anymore. I step on the scale and I see the progress. I feel and know that my body is loved and cherished and that I'm doing what it takes to honor it. I value that one pound loss that a year ago I sucked my teeth at. I'm seeing the value of building your team of people that have character rather than those you totally agree with or get along with at all time. My relationships are progressing and evolving and I'm- can't believe I'm going to say this- losing the fear. I'm losing the fear of losing it all, or holding it too tightly. I'm learning to live in the moment and slow down so that the moment lasts.

So... I finished the Master Cleanse and felt great about it. I met my goal of staying on for 10 days and for getting down to 225. (Well I did orange juice Day 10 and I got down to 226) I feel very confident that this year will be different for me in terms of the commitment I'm making to take care of myself and the implications of that for my family and friends. I am challenged to work harder and continue to eat healthy and watch my body respond. If that happens in a month, great! If that takes 5 years? Great! Either way, I'll be doing myself a favor every day I honor it by eating great, live, healthy foods!

Day 9 Master Cleanse

I feel cleansed and refreshed but I am still dealing with cravings. I'm down to 224. My goal was 225 so I'm there. I know that once I go back to healthy eating, I will gain 3-5 pounds back. Also as soon as I get off the cleanse I am transitioning to Dr. Ian Smith's Shred diet. I have both the Shred and Super Shred diet and have not decided which one I will do first. They are six weeks and four weeks and you are supposed to interchange them for maximum weight loss. Any food right now looks like the Holy Grail, so I'm sure I'll be successful with either weight loss plan. The key is not starting but sticking with it even if I don't see the results that I am hoping for. The most noticeable difference for me with the Master Cleanse is that I don't feel sluggish or in pain when I wake up in the morning. My stomach feels so much flatter than it did before so that is definitely a plus. I have done aerobics three out of the nine days and hope to continue my pattern of working out 5 days a week. I will just drop Benji off and walk right downstairs at the JCC and work out. I have worked out for 30 minutes yesterday and today. My intensity was not the same as it was before I stopped working out because of my neck sprain and I feel a little hesitant to work out on the machines as hard because I don't know what I did to injure my neck. It's still a little sore now. The great thing about this journey is that I'm doing something to make sure that this year does not start and stop like last year did. I am leaving the 230s behind FOREVER!!!!!

Day 8, MLK Day

Today is Day 8 of the Master Cleanse. It was an amazing day today because it feels so good to almost finished with this journey. Although it hasn't been as perfect as I would like it to have been, I am really proud of my resiliency in doing this cleanse. My cravings are still there but I'm finding out ways to integrate my favorite foods into my diet and lifestyle change. There is not much more to talk about- doing it is the biggest part- but I do want to journal so that I'm able to chronicle what I'm doing this year. One of my challenges is that I always start out with a bang but I get bored or lazy and I don't follow through. So this journaling is holding me accountable- to myself and to you. The master cleanse is not the answer to a weight loss problem, it's a tool that I'm choosing to use in order to jump start my weight loss. It's important to restart and get all of the bad habits and greasy/fatty/salty/sweet foods out of your palate.

One of the biggest reasons why I am attempting to lose weight is in order to have a long and satisfying life. It is obvious that my weight problem was having an affect on my knees, my joints, my ankles, everything. I do not want to get five years older and need knee replacement or hip replacement. I need to see exercise is something that I commit to now but plan on doing for a lifetime, regardless of whether I hit my goal weight or not. In the past, many people work hard to lose the weight and then they begin to "life" while they are at their goal weight without realizing that if they don't do what they did to lose the weight, the weight will come right back.

My facebook, instagram and twitter pages are really going to help me stay focused. The Shred diet and Super Shred diets are on the floor next to my bed. I know that they will also be tools that I use to lose the weight in the future. I am also modeling a better way of eating for my children and the future generations. One thing that I will have to deal with throughout the weight loss are the feelings of inadequacy that a lot of people who are struggling to lose weight deal with. Even if you lose the weight, if you don't feel worthy, you will continue to self-sabatoge. I believe this is what is happening to a lot of people who have gotten the gastric bypass and then regained the weight.

This year, 2014, something is different. Just like last year for me and my finances, something was different. I am not the same girl I used to be. Something has clicked. There is no turning back, no more regressing. I am ready for the world that lies ahead of me in the body that I know is in there. Skinny girl- come forth! Lol. Just kidding, I don't aim to be skinny, but I do aim to control food and stop letting food control me!

Cleansing Day 3

Today was one of those great days on the Master Cleanse! I love Day 3. I felt so light when I woke up this morning. I love the feeling of not having to be stressed out about what to eat everyday. Now I feel like I am well on my way to making it for 10-14 days. The first three days are the worst. I am now thinking about what to do with all the time I have not worrying about eating/cooking.

I know I can accomplish what I set forth to accomplish. I have seen so much change in my life that I know this cleanse has been such a great asset to my life.

My co-workers are worried about my heart and my kidneys but I trust the Master Cleanse. Anyone interested in the cleanse can go to www.mastercleanse.org. I am part of a group cleanse right now so that is really helping me to stay focused. My husband is a trigger. We love to eat together and he makes the food so much better!!! I am thinking that I will eat Shabbat dinner. I usually eat Shabbat even when I''m fasting. I love eating with my hubby, especially Shabbat dinner.

Cleansing!!!!

Today is Day 1 of the Master Cleanse. I'm excited to rid my body of toxins and to consider getting my body in shape for another pregnancy. I am doing the group Master Cleanse which really helps to think of a group of people doing it together. Every time I do the Cleanse I thank God for Denise S. Her testimony for keeping the symptoms of MS at bay while she Cleansed regularly was so powerful. She introduced me to healthy living and I will always be eternally grateful that God placed her in my path.

The biggest thing I am cleansing from is animal products. I know that my voice being hoarse is the accumulation of mucus from eating so much cheese. I am prepared to abstain from dairy and meat through to my Birthday in order to achieve the results I desire. Now if I just add bread- simple carbs to the list- I will have a recipe for achieving my goals in 2014.

I purchased a scale because this time I know the number on the scale is going down. I'm committed to doing the Master Cleanse as long as it takes to achieve my goals. My goal is not a number on the scale- it's a confidence, the feeling I can put on a bathing suit in Israel and feel great. I know I can do it. And I'm holding myself accountable to you. My MC goal is 64 ounces a day for a minimum of 10 days. My church fast ends in 14 days so ideally I'd like to stay on MC until then. We'll see. I'm up at 5:30am thanks to Smoove Move and I'm about to get up and attum!

I Can't Stop Eating

When I was in High School, I had a meltdown with my best friend one day. The crying babbling ending with these words, "I can't stop eating!!!!" That became our mantra. It is applicable today. I think that maybe when I feel ravenous there is a hormonal reason (TOM) or I am dehydrated! Both are true right now but I feel so out of control with my eating right now. I have so many ideas about how to proceed but no clear plan. I need to commit to a way and implement it no matter what. I know that Monday I will start the Master Cleanse and that I will be able to break my cravings if I stay on that for 10 days. Right now that is my plan. In the meantime, I am on a fast with my church so I am abstaining from sugar, fried food and fast food, but it has not been easy. It's always worth it. I did have 2 days of exercising this week on the Wii. But once you get into going to the gym, it's hard to feel like you got a good work out at home. But I broke a sweat! I have to be kind and patient with myself but keep moving forward. I am not where I want to be, but like the Old Mothers say- thank God I'm not where I used to be!