Tonight my juice fast came to an end. I went 20 days, rather than the 40 I was pushing for. But I am so proud of myself. The guys in the documentary that inspired me were away from friends and family. They were not working (3 jobs like me). And they were able to completely focus on their fasts. I had lots of distractions, including a job that focuses on food, cooking and preparing meals twice a week. So to continue fasting through my job, my daughters Sweet 16, and my husband's love of going out to dinner was a minor miracle. But I felt like I could go back to food now and my relationship with food will be different.
My first meal tonight was a whole wheat vegetarian taco. It was really good. I'll still juice during the day and only eat one meal for the next 10 days, so technically I'm still juicing. But I'm enjoying this time getting to know food all over again. And being mindful of what I eat. And enjoying every bite.
Tomorrow, I must integrate exercise. I've been so tired from the working, six kids, fasting, adversity (lol), and the work that I'm doing on myself to make sure I never see 266 again- that it's easy to make up excuses for why I haven't worked out. But the truth of the matter is- it's the only way to keep the weight that I lost on the fast off (kkt- I was listening). So tomorrow, no matter what, I get in some workout.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day 20!!!!!!!!
So, I just wanted to be able to make it. That pretty much consumed all my energy. Just making it through the day. But today I am on Day 20 with 20 more days to go. I have gone from 244 to 227. I feel a renewed sense of purpose and energy and am amazed about how many resources fasting has freed up (especially the monetary one's!) I miss eating, especially with my husband because that was really our thing to do away from the kids, but I know in 20 days, I will be changed for life and able to go back to healthy eating in moderation, many of the things I love. The whole wheat quesadilla that my daughter ate today looked sooooo good. I don't think I'll ever go back to eating fast food...that is the one thing I can do without forever.
I don't know what to say. The fast has been life changing. I know I love food and that food is important, but I don't live to eat anymore. I don't have the cravings or mood swings associated with eating/not eating my favorite foods. And most importantly, I hope to not be in a hospital having a heart attack like my Mom was just a few weeks ago.
We are what we eat, so we better start eating live, whole foods that will sustain us and replenish us. Take my challenge: if God didn't make it, don't eat it- and see how you feel...
I don't know what to say. The fast has been life changing. I know I love food and that food is important, but I don't live to eat anymore. I don't have the cravings or mood swings associated with eating/not eating my favorite foods. And most importantly, I hope to not be in a hospital having a heart attack like my Mom was just a few weeks ago.
We are what we eat, so we better start eating live, whole foods that will sustain us and replenish us. Take my challenge: if God didn't make it, don't eat it- and see how you feel...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Amazing Journey- Day Two
I can't believe I have only been juicing for two days...Dang! Seems like I have eaten in months. Lol. I am so enjoying this process of juice fasting. Yesterday I was thinking about food all day. Now, today, I barely thought about food. Instead I had a lot of energy and I got soooo much accomplished. I am feeling like a new person is emerging. What a wonderful journey. It helps that my church is fasting and my Mom and twins Grandma have joined me along with my oldest daughters. I just feel like the Butterfly in the cocoon. The changes may not be on the outside yet, but I sure feel it on the inside.
A student came up to me after class to tell me that I looked like I was losing weight!!! What??? Go Nikka, go Nikka! But more than the outside transformation, the inside transformation is so much more gratifying. I'm able to focus and concentrate more, I am calmer, I am more patient...All things that help me be a better mother, wife, friend, co-worker. I have juiced vegetables that I never ate before (beats, Kale). I'm cool with the kale, but beats are a strong taste! But the thing is being part of this huge community that is doing something about their health! Organic milk is almost sold out at Giant Eagle, there was no kale there today- people are getting the message, and changing the way they eat- and I'm proud to be part of that movement.
I have not been able to exercise effectively. I took a nap today during the time I'd planned to exercise. But that's okay. I have 40 days to incorporate an exercise routine that I can stay with. And I may have to conserve my energy during this fast- especially in the first few days. But I feel like I can run; I take the stairs at work; I kept my work clothes and bra on all day (and it doesn't feel like my clothes are cutting off my circulation!). Change is happening.
I'm going to run myself a hot bath and soak...I so deserve it!
A student came up to me after class to tell me that I looked like I was losing weight!!! What??? Go Nikka, go Nikka! But more than the outside transformation, the inside transformation is so much more gratifying. I'm able to focus and concentrate more, I am calmer, I am more patient...All things that help me be a better mother, wife, friend, co-worker. I have juiced vegetables that I never ate before (beats, Kale). I'm cool with the kale, but beats are a strong taste! But the thing is being part of this huge community that is doing something about their health! Organic milk is almost sold out at Giant Eagle, there was no kale there today- people are getting the message, and changing the way they eat- and I'm proud to be part of that movement.
I have not been able to exercise effectively. I took a nap today during the time I'd planned to exercise. But that's okay. I have 40 days to incorporate an exercise routine that I can stay with. And I may have to conserve my energy during this fast- especially in the first few days. But I feel like I can run; I take the stairs at work; I kept my work clothes and bra on all day (and it doesn't feel like my clothes are cutting off my circulation!). Change is happening.
I'm going to run myself a hot bath and soak...I so deserve it!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Keeping up the Pace
So, the good news is I lost 5 pounds in less than a week. And I've recruited my mom and the twins Grandma, who will be joining me on the fast. They both suffer from many of the health ailments I am trying to avoid: High blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, divurticulitis...They will not be juicing for 40 days, they will be doing the fast my church is doing which is basically, no fried foods, no sweets, no red meat or pork for 40 days. Based on their diets, that will really be beneficial to them. So I'm really proud of the accomplishments I've made in such a short period of time.
The not-so-good news is: I've been in somewhat of a serious mood lately. It's not that I'm not happy- it's just that I feel more sensitive to things. I heard this can happen when you change your diet- especially becoming vegetarian or vegan. My daughter's attitude has seemed to bother me more than usual, my husband's quietness- I immediately picked up that he was troubled by something- I seem to intuit more with my students in the classroom (and I'm just meeting them). I don't really know what's going on- but I do know that I have to try to keep my emotions in check (because I almost went ham on my daughter yesterday). I will journal more to try to get ot the bottom of what I am feeling and whether or not it relates to food. I do know as I remove my crutch of food, I will have to pick up other ways of dealing with my emotions (exercising, journaling, talking it out, praying). It's just like when you stop smoking, you need something to replace that coping mechanism, same with food.
I am looking forward to starting the fast Wednesday and getting a more structured exercise routine. For this week all I'm doing is calesthetics- I got my planks up to 15 seconds! I'm imagining the possibilities when my mind is freed up to think about something other than food all the time. I ate well this weekend. I took some time out to just enjoy the food. And healthy food tastes good! It's a misconception that vegetables are nasty. It's just that you have to change and train your palate to like food that's good for you. I haven't had fast food in weeks which is probably why my palate is more accepting of things that are nourishing to my body rather than nourishing to my emotions. I just hope I can set a good example. Bring it on!
The not-so-good news is: I've been in somewhat of a serious mood lately. It's not that I'm not happy- it's just that I feel more sensitive to things. I heard this can happen when you change your diet- especially becoming vegetarian or vegan. My daughter's attitude has seemed to bother me more than usual, my husband's quietness- I immediately picked up that he was troubled by something- I seem to intuit more with my students in the classroom (and I'm just meeting them). I don't really know what's going on- but I do know that I have to try to keep my emotions in check (because I almost went ham on my daughter yesterday). I will journal more to try to get ot the bottom of what I am feeling and whether or not it relates to food. I do know as I remove my crutch of food, I will have to pick up other ways of dealing with my emotions (exercising, journaling, talking it out, praying). It's just like when you stop smoking, you need something to replace that coping mechanism, same with food.
I am looking forward to starting the fast Wednesday and getting a more structured exercise routine. For this week all I'm doing is calesthetics- I got my planks up to 15 seconds! I'm imagining the possibilities when my mind is freed up to think about something other than food all the time. I ate well this weekend. I took some time out to just enjoy the food. And healthy food tastes good! It's a misconception that vegetables are nasty. It's just that you have to change and train your palate to like food that's good for you. I haven't had fast food in weeks which is probably why my palate is more accepting of things that are nourishing to my body rather than nourishing to my emotions. I just hope I can set a good example. Bring it on!
Friday, January 6, 2012
The trials
Difficult couple of days...So...things were going so well last time I posted. I have had an incredible amount energy, and I have completed tasks that have been on my to-do list for months. However, being Vegan has proved to be much more challenging than being Vegetarian. For one thing, I don't really like vegetables. For another thing, I don't like trying new things. Those are two bad things when trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. And then cheese is everywhere! I did so well yesterday during the daytime. I juiced grapes, apples and an orange for breakfast, had a protein shake that my husband made- with milk. That's when things got slippery. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was being so helpful and supportive by making me the protein shake. But he also bought me a vegetarian sub from Jimmy Johns. It was the bomb! But it had cheese on it...So I don't know if the cheese and milk reawakened my old cravings, or if the fact that I was working too hard to plan dinner did it, but I found myself texting my 15 year old around 7:30pm "Order something for dinner." She said, "What do you want?" I said, "Nothing." I was confused about whether I wanted to eat or not. I was so tired, and the bread from the sub was really filling. But I knew in the back of my mind, I was setting up to uhm fail, so to speak. This is what KKT (my BFF?) was worried about. That in my zeal and quest to be thin, I'd end up depriving myself and bingeing in response. It happens to so many of us with good intentions. It's why we wake up Monday morning on a diet and order pizza or chinese by dinner, or if we make it through that day, we are in Bob Evans the next morning. It's actually how we're hardwired (I'm reading a lot about this). And it's also why we lose weight and gain it back and then some after getting off a diet. What I'm doing is not a diet. It's changing the way I think about eating and food. It started years ago, and I did a lot of good work last year that led to me losing 26 pounds. I was just hoping to jump start my metabolism and weight loss with the fruit/juice fast and I was using the 7 day Vegan thing to see how ready for the juice fast I was...
So now I'm thinking, and reading and blogging. I'm trying to figure out, as Uneeka says, "What's right for me." I know in my gut that I need to do something drastic, that left to my own devices, I will end up like my mother. And the image of my mother giving herself an injection of insulin daily is my motivation.
Today was a lot better. I'm not beating myself up over last night. After all I just polished off my daughter's manicotti and garlic bread (at least it wasn't pizza, lol). I feel like I'm in this for so many people and I want us to be healthy and happy. Signed, Trying to find my way
So now I'm thinking, and reading and blogging. I'm trying to figure out, as Uneeka says, "What's right for me." I know in my gut that I need to do something drastic, that left to my own devices, I will end up like my mother. And the image of my mother giving herself an injection of insulin daily is my motivation.
Today was a lot better. I'm not beating myself up over last night. After all I just polished off my daughter's manicotti and garlic bread (at least it wasn't pizza, lol). I feel like I'm in this for so many people and I want us to be healthy and happy. Signed, Trying to find my way
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Good Choices
Day One- Vegan
Today I made good choices. I woke up this morning with "workout" on my mind. I know if I do a workout, I will feel accomplished and it will be easier to make better choices throughout the day. I laid in the bed and visualized myself doing planks, push ups and sit ups. I woke up, took the older girls to the bus stop, and while the baby slept, I did those planks, push ups and sit ups (8). Then when my 10 year old son woke up, I did yoga with him. That was so much fun, relaxing and invigorating at the same time. Then I journaled, read the Bible and measured myself. It's imperative that you know your numbers when you set out to gain control of your eating and weight.
My numbers? This morning I weighed 245.0, (down from my high in April 2011 of 266) my blood pressure is 126/84. My waist measurement is 41.
Since posting my plans to do a 40 day juice fast, I've heard from a lot of people who feel that my juice fast is too extreme. When I went to Chipotle this afternoon with my husband and daughters, he was shocked when I ordered romaine lettuce, plain. He told me this evening he thinks I'm going too extreme with my diet. I don't plan on depriving myself. I just feel like I have the rest of my life to eat what I want. But right now, in this moment, I want to lose weight. I want my outside to match my inside.
Today, going vegan, (with no sugar) I had more energy and more excitement than I have had in a while. I am taking all the comments in consideration. I may do a modification of the 40 day juice fast. I think there is something to be said for the clarity gained during a fast. And I am not expecting this fast to be the end all be all (well yes I am). But the movie, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" really resonated with me. I don't want to be on medication. I want to allow my body to heal itself from the inside.
reading this book: Transformation by Bill Phillips and I will be exploring the questions that he poses. This book is about not just losing weight but dealing with the issues that caused you to put on the weight in the first place. I've been dealing with all those issues for the past year. I love myself and where I have come from. I love the person that I have become. And honestly, I have loved my fat. I have to grieve what it stood for- the protection I thought it offered and the comfort. It is difficult to let this fat go. But it must go. I love what my friend Uneeka said #skinnygirlinside. I don't think there is a skinny girl inside, but there is a healthy girl inside who doesn't need food to be her friend...
Today I made good choices. I woke up this morning with "workout" on my mind. I know if I do a workout, I will feel accomplished and it will be easier to make better choices throughout the day. I laid in the bed and visualized myself doing planks, push ups and sit ups. I woke up, took the older girls to the bus stop, and while the baby slept, I did those planks, push ups and sit ups (8). Then when my 10 year old son woke up, I did yoga with him. That was so much fun, relaxing and invigorating at the same time. Then I journaled, read the Bible and measured myself. It's imperative that you know your numbers when you set out to gain control of your eating and weight.
My numbers? This morning I weighed 245.0, (down from my high in April 2011 of 266) my blood pressure is 126/84. My waist measurement is 41.
Since posting my plans to do a 40 day juice fast, I've heard from a lot of people who feel that my juice fast is too extreme. When I went to Chipotle this afternoon with my husband and daughters, he was shocked when I ordered romaine lettuce, plain. He told me this evening he thinks I'm going too extreme with my diet. I don't plan on depriving myself. I just feel like I have the rest of my life to eat what I want. But right now, in this moment, I want to lose weight. I want my outside to match my inside.
Today, going vegan, (with no sugar) I had more energy and more excitement than I have had in a while. I am taking all the comments in consideration. I may do a modification of the 40 day juice fast. I think there is something to be said for the clarity gained during a fast. And I am not expecting this fast to be the end all be all (well yes I am). But the movie, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" really resonated with me. I don't want to be on medication. I want to allow my body to heal itself from the inside.
reading this book: Transformation by Bill Phillips and I will be exploring the questions that he poses. This book is about not just losing weight but dealing with the issues that caused you to put on the weight in the first place. I've been dealing with all those issues for the past year. I love myself and where I have come from. I love the person that I have become. And honestly, I have loved my fat. I have to grieve what it stood for- the protection I thought it offered and the comfort. It is difficult to let this fat go. But it must go. I love what my friend Uneeka said #skinnygirlinside. I don't think there is a skinny girl inside, but there is a healthy girl inside who doesn't need food to be her friend...
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year, New Me (again)
Imagine that I started this blog and I don't even remember starting it! I came up with the great idea in 2012 to chronicle my weight loss and apparently I have already had that bright idea, last year. OMG.
Anyway, I did lose 20 pounds last year, now I want to continue the weight loss and get to my goal weight. I have a lot going on right now. It is clear to me that there is a connection between my weight and unresolved feelings of being unworthy and abandoned. Until I can deal with the underlying issues, I know that any weight loss I experience will be termporary.
My main reason for losing weight is to experience a better quality of life, while avoiding the health problems that plague my mother, who has high blood pressure, diabetes, diverticulitis and sleep apnea. All of which are causes of sickness and death. I also want to stop the cycle so that my children will be healthy and have abundant life.
For the next Seven Days, I will be eating Vegan in order to prepare myself for a 40 day juice fast starting 1/11/12. I am excited and a little trepidatious about the transformation that is about to take place. My support will come from my husband, who already does much of which I aspire to do, and my two oldest daughters who also need to lose weight and get healthy. Today I juiced for the first time on my new juicer that my husband bought me. It was an awesome experience. My 40 day juice fast was inspired by the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." I'm also reading the book "Transformation." Join me on this journey as I take pictures of myself daily and post them. I will also post my weight and measurements weekly.
Anyway, I did lose 20 pounds last year, now I want to continue the weight loss and get to my goal weight. I have a lot going on right now. It is clear to me that there is a connection between my weight and unresolved feelings of being unworthy and abandoned. Until I can deal with the underlying issues, I know that any weight loss I experience will be termporary.
My main reason for losing weight is to experience a better quality of life, while avoiding the health problems that plague my mother, who has high blood pressure, diabetes, diverticulitis and sleep apnea. All of which are causes of sickness and death. I also want to stop the cycle so that my children will be healthy and have abundant life.
For the next Seven Days, I will be eating Vegan in order to prepare myself for a 40 day juice fast starting 1/11/12. I am excited and a little trepidatious about the transformation that is about to take place. My support will come from my husband, who already does much of which I aspire to do, and my two oldest daughters who also need to lose weight and get healthy. Today I juiced for the first time on my new juicer that my husband bought me. It was an awesome experience. My 40 day juice fast was inspired by the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." I'm also reading the book "Transformation." Join me on this journey as I take pictures of myself daily and post them. I will also post my weight and measurements weekly.
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