The trials

Difficult couple of days...So...things were going so well last time I posted. I have had an incredible amount energy, and I have completed tasks that have been on my to-do list for months. However, being Vegan has proved to be much more challenging than being Vegetarian. For one thing, I don't really like vegetables. For another thing, I don't like trying new things. Those are two bad things when trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. And then cheese is everywhere! I did so well yesterday during the daytime. I juiced grapes, apples and an orange for breakfast, had a protein shake that my husband made- with milk. That's when things got slippery. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was being so helpful and supportive by making me the protein shake. But he also bought me a vegetarian sub from Jimmy Johns. It was the bomb! But it had cheese on it...So I don't know if the cheese and milk reawakened my old cravings, or if the fact that I was working too hard to plan dinner did it, but I found myself texting my 15 year old around 7:30pm "Order something for dinner." She said, "What do you want?" I said, "Nothing." I was confused about whether I wanted to eat or not. I was so tired, and the bread from the sub was really filling. But I knew in the back of my mind, I was setting up to uhm fail, so to speak. This is what KKT (my BFF?) was worried about. That in my zeal and quest to be thin, I'd end up depriving myself and bingeing in response. It happens to so many of us with good intentions. It's why we wake up Monday morning on a diet and order pizza or chinese by dinner, or if we make it through that day, we are in Bob Evans the next morning. It's actually how we're hardwired (I'm reading a lot about this). And it's also why we lose weight and gain it back and then some after getting off a diet. What I'm doing is not a diet. It's changing the way I think about eating and food. It started years ago, and I did a lot of good work last year that led to me losing 26 pounds. I was just hoping to jump start my metabolism and weight loss with the fruit/juice fast and I was using the 7 day Vegan thing to see how ready for the juice fast I was...

So now I'm thinking, and reading and blogging. I'm trying to figure out, as Uneeka says, "What's right for me." I know in my gut that I need to do something drastic, that left to my own devices, I will end up like my mother. And the image of my mother giving herself an injection of insulin daily is my motivation.
Today was a lot better. I'm not beating myself up over last night. After all I just polished off my daughter's manicotti and garlic bread (at least it wasn't pizza, lol). I feel like I'm in this for so many people and I want us to be healthy and happy. Signed, Trying to find my way