Just One of Those Days

Today, I woke up to thunder and lightening. I woke up afraid. I woke up thinking of all the horrible things that could happen. Today was one of the days that has led me to weigh 259. Today I had way too much on my plate. I was practicing law, shuttling a daughter to the dentist, navigating returning to my second job after being away with sick kids for a week, plus a myriad of errands here and there. I didn't pack lunch this morning. I had a Honey Wheat Bagel from Tim Hortons and a Hot Chocolate for breakfast, and in haste, a double stack from Wendy's for lunch. I paid for that choice. I didn't have any energy, I was irritable and ready to cry after being away from my son from 8:30am to 6pm. I survived but did not thrive today. I couldn't wait to order a pizza and curl up in the bed. But first I had to shuttle daughter to dance and pick her up at 9pm. Painful, sacrificial, tears just at the brim of my eyes. I asked someone close to me to help with something. They didn't have time. This brought up feelings of rejection. Which made me want to eat more. I didn't keep track of my calories because I didn't want to put in my iphone that I had eaten the double stack (denial). I still had a desire to write, because I am going to figure out what these trigger points are, and I'm going to stop being pushed to food, the way alcoholics are drawn to happy hour and drug addicts are drawn to call their supplier. I have to eat, but I don't have to keep making these choices knowing they sap the energy and vitality out of me. It's so obvious that good choices lead to feeling better, and poorer choices lead to feelings of inadequacy, but in the moment of impulse, we tend to do what comes easiest. And usually that is what we are in the habit of doing. Today was #Projectfail. No physical activity (unless you count taking the stairs at the courthouse and walking two blocks); compulsive eating; lack of meal planning; lack of fruits and vegetable; fast food. But there's always tomorrow...