The More things Change, The More They Stay the Same

 It’s February 20th and I’m up in my gym clothes ready to go. I have really struggled staying consistent with diet and exercise since 2021 when I successfully lost weight on Options Medical Weight Loss.using high protein bars and shakes I lost 45 pounds in 4-5 months. It was amazing! But it was not sustainable because I started to eat my “regular” diet and the weight came right back. 

So now I’m recommitting myself to something I can do long term. I don’t know exactly what that looks like but I know in order to keep my fibromyalgia flares under control it has to be low carb and low sugar. That was the good thing I learned at Options. Don’t eat anything over 5 grams of sugar or 5 grams of carbs and eat protein at every meal. I’m counting down to a trip to Vegas to see Usher! And then another trip to Cancun! So today I’m going to walk my dog, Princess, then hit the gym. 

 It's hard to believe I'm back here again. If you've read my blog, you know that weight is an issue for me. I'm not one of those people who can eat regular and stay at a healthy weight. As a matter of fact, the only thing that has worked for me in order to lose weight has been extreme deprivation. And you know what happens with that, there is usually a yo-yo affect. That's why the majority of people with weight issues gain the weight back within 5 years. I am that statistic. I had major weight loss in 2021 using Options Medical Weight loss. It was a meal replacement plan where you ate 4-5 bars and shakes a day and then ate a dinner comprising a vegetable and a meat. It was simple and it worked well with my busy lifestyle. I would keep the bars and shakes behind my desk in my credenza and eat them in between meetings. They I would vary whatever my family was having to eat just the meat and the vegetable or I would eat one of my frozen keto meals. My favorite was the keto pizza I found on Wio Diet website. It worked well. I started at 250 and got down to 212 before I hit a plateau. I didn't exercise and as a matter of fact, every time I exercised, I'd gain weight. I assumed it was because of the inflammation that exercise caused. I never liked working out anyway so that worked fine for me! I started October 2021 and made it through the holiday season and by May 2021 I was ready to graduate from the program. 

The summer came, and the food at the summer festivals came with them. The world was opening back up after the pandemic lock down and I hadn't accounted for how much of my staying power during my diet, had to do with the fact that I wasn't going anywhere. I was on an appetite suppressant as well, that you can only be on for six months, and once I was off of that- and my appetite came back- it was a real problem. 

Within a year, I had gained all the weight back that I lost. Some of the weight gain was due to emotional eating. I've had a rough summer. I was in the hospital with one of my teenage Twins due to her liver enzymes being off. At the same time, one of my best friends went in the hospital for gallstones and passed 23 days later from Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. My grandmother, in the midst of dealing with all of this - had a stroke. It was a lot, everyone was leaning on me and I was holding it all together using food as my crutch. I'm still using food as my crutch. 

I have something called "Back to Basics," and that's like the equivalent of a hard reset on a computer. It's an all or nothing technique, which my therapist is  trying to get me to go away from black or white thinking. But with the "Back to Basics" I employ all of the things that have helped me in the past and it includes: 

* Journaling/Blogging
* Prayer
* Meditation
* 64 ounces of water (only) to drink
* Cleanse (Master cleanse or smoothie cleanse)

*30 minutes of movement 5 times a week

Using this method, I have gotten back on track to healthier eating and jump started my weight loss. I have avoided doing this because I have tried to find some grey area where I am eating healthier and making better choices but knowing my body, this is just not enough. I will continue to give in to the carb cravings until I get back to basics. So this is the day before I take the plunge. I'm trying to work out the details so that I leave no room for error. Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. It is important that I hold myself accountable.  

Hard Reset

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Feels like I’ve been climbing the steep hill of obesity as long as I can remember. Last year, I finally found something that worked: medically-assisted weight loss. I went to a financial planner who helped me achieve my goals of buying a bigger house, buying an upgraded car and saving $10,000. I I achieved these goals within 6 months. So I thought if an expert could help in this area, why not try it for weight loss. Just like with the financial planning, I started Options in October 2019 and by June 2020, I graduated the program shy of my goal of 200 pounds but more than happy at 212 wearing a 14/16 and a size large. It worked! I focused on increasing protein, drinking adequate water and going and staying in ketosis. The greatest thing about keto was that I didn’t have cravings! People ate pizza (my kryptonite) right in front of me and I wasn’t even tempted! I utilized appetite suppressant pills aling with lipo injections to achieve my goals.

But I took the summer off as I traveled… then I got Covid… So all weight loss plans took a back to survival- I was so happy to have survived that I wanted to live life to the fullest! And that included eating my favorites: pizza, soft pretzels, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, pancakes, you get the picture. And after a long drawn out recover from Covid- exercise was the last thing I wanted to do once I was finally able to breathe. 

I recently lost and gained the same 10 pounds through the lemonade cleanse, but when it was over, like Pookie, those foods would be calling me. There was always an excuse: Valentines Day, my Birthday, Easter…and with those days came distractions and poor choices that brought the weight right back. So I’m going back to Options to get the assistance that I need. The only thing I am going to do differently is that I am going to stay to get through Phase 2 so I learn how to eat in a way that I can keep the weight off. 

Join me for this journey! Tomorrow I meet my coach, Matt at Options. 

Just Keep Swimming

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. It was so difficult to get moving again, but now on Week 2, Day 3, I feel so much better. I'm drinking more water, my skin is clearer and I can move easier. This was definitely much needed and I know I say this every time but why in the World do I stop moving?

A body in motion likes to stay in motion, but once you get sedentary, you'd rather go to the dentist than work out (and I hate the dentist), so what is it that makes it so hard to start again when we stop?
I'm reading a book that may give a clue- it's called "Habit" and it is about how our brains are wired to reduce the amount of brain energy (for lack of a better word) that it takes to do tasks that are repeated. This is why we go on auto-pilot when we drive to work and we don't even remember getting there but it was so difficult the first time we drove. Remember the first time you had to shift gears! Or even use the blinkers! We have come a long way.

So that same component will make it easier for us to be healthy. The hardest thing is just to start! If you start, you increase your chances that you will be able to continue and be successful. I'm also trying to remove the notion that there is an end to this healthy lifestyle. This is life. There is no birthday, cruise, class reunion, or beach trip that will get you to where you want to be for life. I have FINALLY come to realize, (thanks Mama Sabio), that this is an everyday, all day thing.

It starts with you...Now that the gyms are closed, you have to find the motivation within yourself. In my dissertation I have studied a lot about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is where you decide within yourself what the motivation is and you are determined to do something. External motivation are the things I listed earlier, doing it because of outside pressure like wanting to look good or someone saying something about your weight. What research shows is that extrinsic motivation only helps on a temporary basis. For long term success, there needs to be intrinsic motivation. So write today what your reasons are for getting healthy- notice that I said getting healthy and not losing weight. So during COVID let's not worry so much about weight. Let's focus on starting the great habits now that our future selves will thank us for later!

Hitting my Stride

Feeling good because I’m hitting my stride. I’m in week 2 and down 5 pounds. I’m feeling good. I posted a picture of myself on Facebook where I was not completely happy with how I looked. But I posted it anyway because I need to be honest about how I look and what that’s the result. When you don’t workout and you don’t concentrate on what you eat- it is reflected. And that’s what I had to sit with. That’s not what I want to reflect moving forward. I want to look like I love myself and put myself first. It’s crazy because we live each day so concerned with how we impact others, but so little to how we impact ourselves. What we do and say to ourselves is the most important thing we can do but we spend so little time focusing on this relationship. Love of self for some people is so normal. For others of us, it had to be learned over time. I started really falling in love with myself as a single mom of 5. I realized that the companionship and unconditional love I was seeking in men I had to be committed to finding within myself. And also that I deserved to love myself the way God loved me. It wasn’t overnight and there were times I had to fake it until I could make it. But over the 2.5 years I was abstinent, I found a deep, enduring love for myself. I am hoping that this love carries me through my health (almost said weightloss) journey. If you love something, you are always thinking about what’s best for them in the long run. And even if it’s uncomfortable for a season, you know it will pay off in the end. Working  out, intermittent fasting, low carb and water, water, water may not (ever) make me skinny overnight. It takes committment, perseverance and I commitment to love myself how I am while also loving  the future me that I’m working for, now. 

Back in the Saddle

Today is Day Two of me making a conscious effort to improve my health. I think what I'm learning from years of dieting and yo-yoing is that there has to be a constant concerted effort. Our baselines are usually the way we were raised. Unless we make a concerted effort to do something different. I don't know why this is so much harder than other things in my life that I have done I have been able to change many of the expected trajectories in my life. From finishing college with a baby to going on to law school and changing personal decisions such as partying and imbibing... I have changed things, but when it comes to food, in the words of Tyrese, "Everytime I leave, something keeps holding me back, me back." It's not that I love food, or that I'm a foodie. I'm actually pretty picky when it comes to food. But I love the comfort that food brings. It has been my friend and confidant for a long time. I was a latchkey kid and food was my comfort from loneliness. I suffered from feelings of abandonment after my parent's divorce and food filled the void that my father left. But even though I have loved food for so long, I know the kind of food that I love does not love me back. As a matter of fact, it is a self-destructive kind of love. Like domestic violence, the ads and commercials for pizza are mesmerizing, just like the presents that the violent spouse buys to woo you. But then, after the meal ends, and the bad feelings start to set in, we realize that we fell, once again for the okey doke. And now we are further from our goals and closer to our demise.

That's deep. How do we develop a healthy relationship with food? If you know, please comment below. I know that when I eat "healthy" I don't have the endorphins or feelings of content that I have with carbs and processed food. I read "Fast Food Nation" https://www.amazon.com/Fast-Food-Nation-Dark-All-American/dp/0547750331 so I know that the almighty dollar was of major concern when food was developed in America, it was not our welfare. How do we overcome that?

Let me pat myself on the back: I have come a long way. I used to eat fast food at least 3-5 days out of the week and there are times in my life that I know I ate fast food 5-7 days of the week. I used to drink pop everyday and paid no attention to my weight or my health. I've had times in my life where I went months without vegetables and days drinking everything but water. It is a miracle that I am as "healthy" as I am but my body has taken a beating. There is a concept called "weathering" https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470581/ and this concept refers to the wearing that occurs overtime with severe and acute stress. It shows up in the form of sickness and mental health issues and it is related to the topic I brought up yesterday: ACE scores (Adverse Childhood Experiences) https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html.

Chronic abuse and stress will have an impact on your physical health and one of the most common phantom diseases of people with chronic stress is something I live with: Fibromyalgia. There is a lot that is not known about Fibromyalgia but it is defined as the prevalence of widespread pain with an unknown origin. It's like your pain receptors just turn up one day and don't ever turn down. It can sometimes hurt to hug or to move, to exercise can be excruciating, but many people keep moving through the pain. They get up everyday and push through the pain to work, love and take care of their family. All of you living with Fibromyalgia- I see you and I salute you. This illness is real although no one can see it, and it may have it's roots in physical or emotional abuse or car accidents or other kinds of trauma. If you have Fibromyalgia and have experienced any of those things, please comment below. We need to band together, especially at a time like this where our stress is high and likely to be a trigger.

One of my triggers for Fibromyalgia is high sugar, high carb diet. I can only go off the grid with my eating for so long before I feel that familiar stiffness in the morning, followed by all day back and arm pain. Next I will struggle to walk up and down the steps without pain in my knees and hip. Then the fatigue hits. I have found that doing the Lemonade Fast or Master Cleanse https://themastercleanse.org/ over the years has kept my Fibromyalgia in check when I do it at the first sign of pain. I have been blessed to find a diet that works for me (low carb, low sugar) and fasts are the best when it comes to abating my pain quickly.

One of the worst things we can do is to give up on ourselves and our health. There is always something we can do. Queen Afua https://queenafua.com/ and JJ Smith https://www.jjsmithonline.com/ both talk about praying and finding cures for their illness through all natural food. It also happened to Stanley Burroughs who created the Lemonade Diet. The cure for what you are living with can be found. We cannot give in to emotional eating and forget that the bible says, "Physician, Heal Thyself." There are so many people springing up with gifts to help us get through from herbalist, to Jewelers and those who make scrubs and soaps. I'll post a few of my favorites.

So Day 2- it was much easier to get up and exercise. It was much easier to choose healthy foods. I feel like I'm on my way, but I know enough to know I have to plan and be diligent. Looking forward to what Day 3 brings.!

Carpe Diem- Seize the Day

My weight loss this year has not been going so well. I weighed in this morning at 246. That's been holding pretty steady despite my master cleanse done earlier this year and some liquid drops I bought late last year. It also stayed constant despite the fact that I had pneumonia- (looked an awful lot like COVID-19 symptoms right before the quarantine). Despite being sicker than I ever remember being, I maintained a healthy appetite and didn't lose any weight.

This past week was Passover and Easter and I came up with every excuse not to work out and eat more fruits and vegetables. Food was bringing me comfort and in a time of anxiety and uncertainty. Emotional eating was defintely something that brought comfort. But this time of year is about sacrifice and sacrifice for a greater good is always worth it. So I am bunkering down and focusing on the healthy habits that I want to make a part of my life long-term.

Having a high ACE score makes poor outcomes like Diabetes and High Blood Pressure more likely, so in order to counter these negative outcomes, one must work harder to incorporate good habits. This is what I'm writing my dissertation about: the likelihood that having a high ACE score will make you more or less likely to graduate from High School or College. The irony in knowing that having a high ACE score makes it more important to exercise, or eat right, it makes it harder (I believe), to incorporate these positive behaviors because we are wired in some way to be predisposed to behaviors that while feeling good in the short run, are harmful in the long run.

So now, instead of focusing on my weight, I'm focusing on the end game. One of my mentees asked me to help hold her accountable for losing weight and getting in shape. That was a turning point. I cannot give what I do not have. So in mentoring her, I was mentoring the stubborn part of myself. And we wrote down our goals, and we have a plan, and now I have to be accountable because no Mentor wants to let her Mentee down.

Exercise- it's a must. Besides being one of the things that reduces the risk of you having a heart attack and stroke, it also reduces the likelihood that you will develop high blood pressure and diabetes. I just got my blood pressure back to normal and I intend to keep it there! Exercise is also a powerful anti-depressant. Find something you like to do and do it- and add music. My playlist this morning, along with reading Essence magazine, made my workout very enjoyable (surprise- I'd been putting it off and dreading it for weeks!). I put exercise on my schedule like it's a meeting. And to make myself do it this week- I cannot watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta unless I workout 5 times this week. How's that for motivation??

Water- If you are not getting enough water, you body cannot run the way it was intended to run. I've been also struggling with water intake (bonus- exercising will make you thirsty which will make you drink more water!!!). I added strawberries and lemon to my water this morning and I have put my water on my schedule- 20 ounces by 10am, 20 ounces by 12;30pm and 20 ounces by 5pm. If you must drink anything other than water, challenge yourself to only drink it with meals and drink water at all other times. I'm just drinking water and tea.

Sleep- Make sure you are getting 8 hours of sleep a night. If you sleep less than that you are more likely to overeat. I set my alarm to remind me when I should go to bed and then I do my meditation before I go to sleep.

Prayer/Mindfulness/Meditation- One of the blessings of the pandemic that has hit our society is that we have had to slow down. Even those of us who are working don't have the hustle and bustle of getting out the door and getting through traffic everyday. In those quiet moments that we have exchanged, we can add a prayer, moment of mindfulness and/or meditation. Just being grateful for the moments we have because we don't know what tomorrow will bring is a moment of mindfulness. A prayer of thanksgiving for our breath and our life. I do a formal meditation with Oprah and Deepak (my peeps) on their app every evening. Let me know if you need the information, I will post.

Journaling- This one is BONUS- what I'm doing now counts for journaling, but I also have a paper journal that I wrote in last night that set me up for success today. I have another blog I'll be writing in as well about the issues that have arisen since this pandemic because I want to memorialize all that is going on. If writing is not your thing, I encourage you to try it. Just put pen to paper and start writing (I had no idea what I was going to write about in this space- I just started writing!).

We are all in this together. This pandemic has been the great equalizer. If you have always wanted to start something- now is the change. Google. I'm even taking a class at Harvard right now because I always wanted to. The sky is the limit. Let's seize this opportunity. Carpe Diem.

Day 4 of The Master Cleanse Musings

Days 2 and 3 of The Master Cleanse were difficult. Extremely difficult. I ate a handful (okay several handfuls) of pretzels on Day 2. I obsessed over food and even imagined eating any food I could possibly eat on Day 3. That day is always the hardest and I took comfort in knowing that if I could get through that day, I could get to 10 or 14 days. I have a work luncheon today and I need to plan how I will handle it. People feel some kind of way if you go out to eat with them and don’t eat. My husband is also fstow since I’m fasting. He says the mood swings are a lot to deal with. I told him imagine if I was quitting nicotine, caffeine, heroin or cocaine. That’s how powerful sugars and carbs are to your system. But I feel clearer, and my fibromyalgia pain is almost gone in just 3 days. This cleanse never ceases to amaze me. 

One thing that has been difficult than all my previous cleanses is that I only lost a total of 3 pounds on the cleanse so far. Usually you lose that much or more in water weight the first day.  But I am reminded to focus on the non-scale reasons I am doing this. I’m tempted to get rid of the scale altogether but the one time I did that I ended up wayyyyy to heavy. 

My Aunt Traci was diagnosed with diabetes in her 30s. She called me and said- eat how I have to eat now, so you never get sick and have to eat like this. It stuck in my mind. The fact that I can choose to eat healthy, choose to fast, choose to cleanse and that I don’t have to based on a diagnosis, is empowering. 

Today, I choose me. And although this cleanse is tough (my family made homemade Popeye’s chicken sandwiches Day 2), I know the benefits far outweigh the struggle I am going through right now. I want to be free of the pull that unhealthy foods have on me. I want to finally get through this decades long struggle with obesity. I want my 40s to be the healthiest decade of my life. And what I do today, will decide if that manifests for me or not. 

What have you decided will be true for you this decade? What are you doing today to make sure that manifests itself in your life?

https://www.drnorthrup.com/?p=9089?utm_medium=email&utm_source=9988964_A_CN&utm_campaign=email_Newsletter_Northrup_2020

New Year, Same Nique

Year in and year out the same issues weight prevail. In one sense I am glad that I’m getting another opportunity to get things right. On the other hand, it seems a daunting task to finally get and keep the weight off and I wonder if this year will be any different. One thing is for sure, the weight needs to go- the excess weight and along with it the excuses and limitations that come with being overweight. 

Nothing happens by accident or happenstance so I know that it was meant for me to find a small folder with weight loss related papers, some of them turning brown from age. One undated document really stuck out and I’m imagining from the dates of the other documents that it must have been written in the early 2000s:

Why are you currently overweight: I am overweight because I was raised that food was a panacea. Whenever there was drama at home (and there was a lot of drama) there was always something to eat to make it feel better. I was offered ice cream after I scraped my knee, McDonald’s after a hard  day, Pizza if I got good grades. So I learned that food was attached to feelings, that there was an emotional component to eating. How I’m thinking of it now after reading Dr. Ian Smith’s 4 Day Diet is that food is fuel- there’s nothing emotional about putting gas in a car! Eating can be just eating. 

Why have previous weight-loss efforts failed?

Previous weight loss efforts have failed because I want fast weight loss. It is hard to work hard for anything in this society. Me being a part of Generation X, which is also known as the microwave generation, is like if I can’t have it at the snap of my finger, I’m just going to keep it moving. I see this in my relationships and my finances and my weight. I have not learned the patience to stick with something even it doesn’t seem to be giving me the desired results. One example is that I started dieting and exercising in January. By the time I got to April, I was still the same weight, so I partially gave up. What my nutritionist showed me this Monday is that my sugar levels went from 102 to 84 and my cholesterol improved as well, so although I may not have seen the results of my work on the scale, my overall health was improving. If I had stuck with it, weight loss may have come eventually. 

How does your weight influence your self-esteem/self-image?

Well, now that I’m single again I definitely think about what Tyrese will think of my body when he meets me. Seriously, I know I’m an attractive woman, but with those chiseled abs and biceps what will he think about my grandma arms? Maybe he will want a woman who works just as hard at keeping in shape as he does. He said something in an article in Men’s Health (not that I’m stalking him or anything)- he said “...when you are in shape, you don’t have to tell people that you love yourself.” That’s powerful. And how can you love anyone when you don’t love yourself?  And how can you expect someone to love you more than you love yourself? So, that’s where I am with the self-esteem thing, I love being plus-sized, but the dents, dimples and flab have got to go!

What are your weaknesses related to sticking to a weight-loss program?

Please see microwave generation answer above. Planning out meals in advance and not getting caught in the fast food drive thru line is my main goal. If I can plan out the meals and have the food at home and get home in time to cook before I get hungry, I’m cool. But if not, everything is out the window and I’m scrounging for food “just today” not seeing that it’s a pattern and a habit. My days have got to be more structured so I can eat natural, live food made by my hands. 

Without weighing yourself or looking at a BMI chart how many pounds away do you think you are from your target weight? 40 pounds

It’s crazy because most of these things are still applicable today in 2020. I have the same tools that I have used before to successfully lose weight but there is more work I have to do mentally and emotionally so that this time when I lose the weight, I can keep it off. I started today 245 pounds. My goal is 200. I am starting today on the Master Cleanse. I feel clearheaded and super productive today as I am also doing a social media fast. This morning I started struggling to get up, with achy joints, back pain and swollen and numb hands and feet. This cleanse will bring back the vitality and strength that I know is within me while helping me deal with the food addiction I believe I have. 

Let me know if any of this resonates with you... 

Fibromyalgia

This post is dedicated to all of you living with the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. It was 2009 and I found myself in bed with massive mucus drainage, body pain and eventually I couldn’t get out of bed. I was scared so I went to the ER (I was so sick I don’t even remember how I got to the hospital). All I remember is that it was 9-11, and the TV in the ER room was full of tributes to the survivors and victims of the tragic incident. At some point Dr’s find a mass in my chest and warn me that it looks like lymphoma and that I should start to make plans for my 5 children because I wouldn’t live much longer. I called my best friend, Dannette and asked her if she would take my kids and raise them. She said of course. She and her husband discussed building a room on her house to accomodate the kids. The Twins were 3 and my oldest was 13. It was a rough 10 days. My cousin Kahlil had come to visit me, I had talked to him about our future and how he could become a lawyer and practice together. I had an eerie feeling during our time together, that maybe I wasn’t going to live much longer. Little did I know he would leave me just a month and a half later...

The Dr’s ran several tests which were inconclusive. My blood cell count was off, blood pressure was off the chart, so the last test was a Pet Scan to test for the cancer in my body. Shortly before going to the test I got a visit from Jan Roberts from my church. I remember thinking or saying- I’ve been through enough. There is no cancer. She looked so worried, but by this point I was getting back to my jovial self. I was wheeled down to the basement to do the test. I found out later that this test costs about $20,000 and for many middle class Americans it would not have been an option. I was a full-time graduate student on Medicaid at the time so I was given the test that would determine my fate. Where they expected the image to light up to show cancer, nothing lit up, not even the tumor in my chest. There was no cancer. So that led to my discharge with no diagnosis.

Several months later, still experiencing widespread pain, I saw a rheumatologist who finally diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I’d been having these pain flare ups since I had 2 car accidents back-to-back in 2003. I even suggested to my Dr at the time that maybe I had Fibromyalgia but he told me I was too young. My flare ups never lasted more than a few days and were often triggered by intense physical activity so I thought it was normal sore muscles.

Life with Fibromyalgia is no joke. I read several books on inflammation and decided to tackle my symptoms through dietand exercise. Anytime I eat poorly, I experienced exacerbation in my symptoms. I think lower carbs and sugar or do a Master Cleanse fast and I experience a remission of my symptoms. Stress also can make symptoms manifest.

So right now I’m experiencing symptoms of Fibromyalgia. I had a stressful few months at work and my kids are always on my mind. Mindfulness, yoga, writing and reading along with lazy keto are all tools that I plan to keep the pain and aches in check this year. Fibromyalgia can rob you of time, experience and precious memories that you miss out on home in the bed or the couch. Not this year!

If you have Fibromyalgia please share how you cope and what your triggers are. If you don’t know your triggers, keep a Fibro journal of what you eat/do and then what level your pain is each day. Let’s keeo each other uplifted!

Day One

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Weight continues to be an issue and I’m trying to look at this for shat it is: a food addiction l. More specifically a carbs and sugar addiction. When I eat a diet low in carbs and sugar I’m not swollen when I wake up in the morning, I have more energy and less body aches and joint pain. But forsaking the foods I love is just a struggle and holidays are the ultimate trigger. So after Thanksgiving I lost 16 pounds and over Christmas I gained half of that back. I have to get a handle on the maintenance plan that will ensure that once I take the weight off I will keep it off.

Today I start a combination of Keto and HCG drops. My food choices today will consist of 2 sources of protein, 2 vegetables and 2 fruits.

The other thing that is a must is drinking water. Today I must drink 64 plus ounces of water. This is a marathon, not a sprint so I’ll keep you posted with pics, weight loss updates, tools and motivation. We can and we will do this!!!

Starting from Scratch

I don't like to lose, but when it comes to weight loss, most of us who lose weight will gain it back. The thing most feared has come upon me. I have gained back all the weight I lost in 2015/16. I could use my unplanned pregnancy/miscarriage and back injury as an excuse but the truth is I stopped doing what I did to lose the weight. I got sloppy with my food choices and portion sizes and went months without exercising so here I am. I've attempted to lose weight doing the 10 Day Smoothie Cleanse and HCG drops and even a modified Master Cleanse but nothing has worked. I still weigh the same amount as I did at the beginning of the year. So I'm doing a full Master Cleanse from now until my birthday. I figure, if I'm seriously considering weight loss surgery, I will have to go on a full liquid diet before and after the surgery so why not do it now and avoid the surgery? June from Honey Boo Boo (what a reference!) just had Gastric Bypass and she was on liquids for TWELVE WEEKS after the surgery! 12 weeks is a long time. I'm talking about 20 days. And my goal is to work out 3 times a week for 30 minutes. I know I can do it because I've done it before. I'm blogging to hold myself accountable and to be transparent. 

Day 3 and 4

Day 3 was uneventful! It was so good to be without a headache all day! I hurt my knee some kind of way so I tried to take it easy all day after work. Today is Day 4 and the first think I noticed when I woke up- the Fibromyalgia pain is gone!!! What a relief! I feel so much better in my skin! Now to see this thing through to the end! I have been eating a sensible meal for dinner because of my headache. So I need to decide if I will continue that or if I will do the full Master Cleanse. Right now I'm hydrated and listening to my body! 

Day 2

Day 2 was rough... Goid news is I'm down 4 pounds. Yesterday evening I was bloated and I felt like a bag of ricks. I urinated constantly through the night and woke up 4 pounds lighter. I also woke up with a headache. This headache lasted all day long. So what was supposed to be a productive day ended up with me just being loving and kind to myself through the pain. 

Day One, again and again

I wrote today on my Soaring Through the Storms blog about the importance of getting back to basics. Part of my getting back to basics physically includes doing the Master Cleanse. Last year I got down to 206, the lowest I'd been in 18 years! However, this year brought marital issues, an unexpected, unplanned pregnancy and an unfortunate miscarriage which all resulted in me slipping back into poor eating habits, NO exercise and I am back up to 242 pounds this morning. I am officially ready to get back on the wagon, however, I am going back to what always works for me: The Master Cleanse. Most people are familiar with the Master Cleanse. It is a 10 day cleanse that works to purify the blood and kidneys and helps to lose weight. Some feel that it is extreme or a fad diet, however, I have discussed it with my Doctor and gotten the green light to do it several times a year. I know when I need to do a cleanse because my fibromyalgia will begin to act up. Fibromyalgia is am autoimmune disease that causes severe pain and achiness. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2009 but I probabaly started suffering from flare ups as early as 2003, following a bad car accident. I describe fibromyalgia as feeling like you just worked out the hardest workout of your life and you wake up the next day and can barely get out of bed. That is how my body feels when I am having a flare up.

For whatever reason the Master Cleanse helps to calm the inflammation response in my body and helps to end the Fibro flare up. It also helps to clear the mind and calm the emotions. I am excited to be starting the cleanse today because it has helped me so much over the 10 years since my co-worker, Denise, introduced me to it. It is my go-to when I am tired and overwhelmed and in pain. I will keep you up to date on my weight loss plans and goals but today I am going to make sure that I drink 64 ounces of water, 64 ounces of lemonade and that I am kind and gentle to myself.

The Master Cleanse (also known as the Lemonade Diet) info:
http://themastercleanse.org/

Fibromyalgia info:
https://www.fibromyalgiapatienteducation.info/what-are-fibromyalgia-symptoms/?gclid=CJihtsbbqNACFQuSaQod4L4CnQ

Anit-Inflammatory Diet Info:
http://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/health-centers/aging-gracefully/dr-weils-anti-inflammatory-diet/

Define Happiness

Week 2, Day 4. Define Happiness. So many people if I asked them what's wrong will talk about being unhappy. But why? I believe many people have failed to define happiness for themselves. They are using unrealistic definitions of happiness that they've seen on a movie, in videos or on someone's social media site. But true happiness, or joy unspeakable comes from within, not without. If you think happiness is found in "stuff" google people who were rich but still took their life. Money and status does not equal happiness. What is happiness? Well to me happiness is living life on my own terms. Graduating when people told me to drop out; giving birth to what I was told to abort; leaving a relationship that looked perfect on the outside but was torture on the inside; marrying a man people warned me about; leaving a potential law career to follow my passion; and the list goes on. You have to define happiness for yourself but happiness for me comes from not having to wear the mask, being able to be fully myself- good, bad or otherwise. It is found in the loving relationship I have with my kids, husband, coworkers and friends. It is in knowing that anything I do- I give it my all. Are things perfect? No. Are there things I hope to improve? Absolutely. But the power to do that is in my hand. I am the captain of my ship, the master of my fate- and for a long time that was not my story. So today, take a few minutes and define happiness for yourself. When you find it. It will be better than any Disney Happily Ever After! 

Enjoying the journey

In weight loss you have to have goals. However, it's important to train yourself to find things you love while losing weight. What do I mean? If you hate the food you eat, dream about pizza all the time and cry after every workout (been there, done that) you WILL gain the weight back. Losing weight should not feel like you are on punishment. How I view it now it that I love myself enough to make these small sacrifices (that sometimes feel HUGE) so that I can walk without a cane in 10 years, or avoid insulin needles for-eva (in my Cardi-B voice). Last year was a sacrifice but the reward of losing and getting down to a 14/16 was soooo worth it. So I've gained and lost the same 15 pounds since last June/July. I was started to get frustrated until I realized how mych I've learned, and how proud I am of myself and how I haven't given up!!!! So let's keep on this ride, enjoying our success and learning (and loving) through our mistakes. I have the rest of my life to lose these last 20 pounds! 

Sometimes, food is love

Okay, I'll admit this may be the fat girl inside talking but I believe that sometimes food can be given and received in love. My cousin just posted on her facebook page that her neighbor made two slices of pound cake the same day she was cutting down on calories. You already know what my cousin did- what we all would do- start tomorrow. Lol. But seriously- sometimes food should just be enjoyed for what it is- a symbol of love. Throughout time we see food being used to bring people together, celebrate occassions, and comfort. Take care of ourselves and making our health a top priority does not mean that we can't enjoy meaningful exchanges with food. What it does mean is food cannot replace human nurturing. As Geneen Roth says food should nourish, people should nurture. So that food cannot replace love, but it can be given and received in love. Now go enjoy a great Sunday dinner. 

Me, Oprah and Weight Watchers

So most of you know Oprah has been my mentor since the 5th Grade. Although we've never met, she's provided hours of advice and been a role model just through the life she's lived. I decided in October to join Weight Watchers and was thrown back when I logged on WW and saw Oprah there smiling back at me! 

Oprah has alway been there along with Maya Angelou, Iyanla Vanzant and Tyler Perry. Together, they've helped me navigate an unplanned pregnancy in Undergrad, law school, divorce, starting over, failing the Bar exam and living my best life NOW! 

Over the last few years weight has remained the one thing that was always out of control. The external representation of my inner failings. Always knowing but never doing... Until now! I know with Oprah and Weight Watchers I will be able to love food and love my body, veg out and work out!  I can and will conquer this giant! Thank you Oprah for your constant love and support and through teaching by transparency! I teach everyday using the tools I've learned from her life! Consider joining weight watchers, it's scientifically proven the most effective weight loss method. What do we have to lose? 

Day 3 and 4

Still feeling good! The numbness and tingling I was feeling in my hands every morning is gone. I have plenty of energy! I'm feeling good going forward and I keep reminding myself that this weight loss thing is a marathon not a sprint. Let's get our goals for 2016 ready. What is your weight loss goal for 2016, and what are you willing to risk to attain this goal? I accomplished so much last year, but it came with sacrifice. I exercised when I'd rather be sleeping, I saved when I'd rather have been shopping, I sacrificed and it paid off. But it takes a while to see results! So you have to do the work even when you don't see results. Change takes time and you are so worth it!!!!!