Hard Reset

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Feels like I’ve been climbing the steep hill of obesity as long as I can remember. Last year, I finally found something that worked: medically-assisted weight loss. I went to a financial planner who helped me achieve my goals of buying a bigger house, buying an upgraded car and saving $10,000. I I achieved these goals within 6 months. So I thought if an expert could help in this area, why not try it for weight loss. Just like with the financial planning, I started Options in October 2019 and by June 2020, I graduated the program shy of my goal of 200 pounds but more than happy at 212 wearing a 14/16 and a size large. It worked! I focused on increasing protein, drinking adequate water and going and staying in ketosis. The greatest thing about keto was that I didn’t have cravings! People ate pizza (my kryptonite) right in front of me and I wasn’t even tempted! I utilized appetite suppressant pills aling with lipo injections to achieve my goals.

But I took the summer off as I traveled… then I got Covid… So all weight loss plans took a back to survival- I was so happy to have survived that I wanted to live life to the fullest! And that included eating my favorites: pizza, soft pretzels, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, pancakes, you get the picture. And after a long drawn out recover from Covid- exercise was the last thing I wanted to do once I was finally able to breathe. 

I recently lost and gained the same 10 pounds through the lemonade cleanse, but when it was over, like Pookie, those foods would be calling me. There was always an excuse: Valentines Day, my Birthday, Easter…and with those days came distractions and poor choices that brought the weight right back. So I’m going back to Options to get the assistance that I need. The only thing I am going to do differently is that I am going to stay to get through Phase 2 so I learn how to eat in a way that I can keep the weight off. 

Join me for this journey! Tomorrow I meet my coach, Matt at Options. 

Day 4 of The Master Cleanse Musings

Days 2 and 3 of The Master Cleanse were difficult. Extremely difficult. I ate a handful (okay several handfuls) of pretzels on Day 2. I obsessed over food and even imagined eating any food I could possibly eat on Day 3. That day is always the hardest and I took comfort in knowing that if I could get through that day, I could get to 10 or 14 days. I have a work luncheon today and I need to plan how I will handle it. People feel some kind of way if you go out to eat with them and don’t eat. My husband is also fstow since I’m fasting. He says the mood swings are a lot to deal with. I told him imagine if I was quitting nicotine, caffeine, heroin or cocaine. That’s how powerful sugars and carbs are to your system. But I feel clearer, and my fibromyalgia pain is almost gone in just 3 days. This cleanse never ceases to amaze me. 

One thing that has been difficult than all my previous cleanses is that I only lost a total of 3 pounds on the cleanse so far. Usually you lose that much or more in water weight the first day.  But I am reminded to focus on the non-scale reasons I am doing this. I’m tempted to get rid of the scale altogether but the one time I did that I ended up wayyyyy to heavy. 

My Aunt Traci was diagnosed with diabetes in her 30s. She called me and said- eat how I have to eat now, so you never get sick and have to eat like this. It stuck in my mind. The fact that I can choose to eat healthy, choose to fast, choose to cleanse and that I don’t have to based on a diagnosis, is empowering. 

Today, I choose me. And although this cleanse is tough (my family made homemade Popeye’s chicken sandwiches Day 2), I know the benefits far outweigh the struggle I am going through right now. I want to be free of the pull that unhealthy foods have on me. I want to finally get through this decades long struggle with obesity. I want my 40s to be the healthiest decade of my life. And what I do today, will decide if that manifests for me or not. 

What have you decided will be true for you this decade? What are you doing today to make sure that manifests itself in your life?

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New Year, Same Nique

Year in and year out the same issues weight prevail. In one sense I am glad that I’m getting another opportunity to get things right. On the other hand, it seems a daunting task to finally get and keep the weight off and I wonder if this year will be any different. One thing is for sure, the weight needs to go- the excess weight and along with it the excuses and limitations that come with being overweight. 

Nothing happens by accident or happenstance so I know that it was meant for me to find a small folder with weight loss related papers, some of them turning brown from age. One undated document really stuck out and I’m imagining from the dates of the other documents that it must have been written in the early 2000s:

Why are you currently overweight: I am overweight because I was raised that food was a panacea. Whenever there was drama at home (and there was a lot of drama) there was always something to eat to make it feel better. I was offered ice cream after I scraped my knee, McDonald’s after a hard  day, Pizza if I got good grades. So I learned that food was attached to feelings, that there was an emotional component to eating. How I’m thinking of it now after reading Dr. Ian Smith’s 4 Day Diet is that food is fuel- there’s nothing emotional about putting gas in a car! Eating can be just eating. 

Why have previous weight-loss efforts failed?

Previous weight loss efforts have failed because I want fast weight loss. It is hard to work hard for anything in this society. Me being a part of Generation X, which is also known as the microwave generation, is like if I can’t have it at the snap of my finger, I’m just going to keep it moving. I see this in my relationships and my finances and my weight. I have not learned the patience to stick with something even it doesn’t seem to be giving me the desired results. One example is that I started dieting and exercising in January. By the time I got to April, I was still the same weight, so I partially gave up. What my nutritionist showed me this Monday is that my sugar levels went from 102 to 84 and my cholesterol improved as well, so although I may not have seen the results of my work on the scale, my overall health was improving. If I had stuck with it, weight loss may have come eventually. 

How does your weight influence your self-esteem/self-image?

Well, now that I’m single again I definitely think about what Tyrese will think of my body when he meets me. Seriously, I know I’m an attractive woman, but with those chiseled abs and biceps what will he think about my grandma arms? Maybe he will want a woman who works just as hard at keeping in shape as he does. He said something in an article in Men’s Health (not that I’m stalking him or anything)- he said “...when you are in shape, you don’t have to tell people that you love yourself.” That’s powerful. And how can you love anyone when you don’t love yourself?  And how can you expect someone to love you more than you love yourself? So, that’s where I am with the self-esteem thing, I love being plus-sized, but the dents, dimples and flab have got to go!

What are your weaknesses related to sticking to a weight-loss program?

Please see microwave generation answer above. Planning out meals in advance and not getting caught in the fast food drive thru line is my main goal. If I can plan out the meals and have the food at home and get home in time to cook before I get hungry, I’m cool. But if not, everything is out the window and I’m scrounging for food “just today” not seeing that it’s a pattern and a habit. My days have got to be more structured so I can eat natural, live food made by my hands. 

Without weighing yourself or looking at a BMI chart how many pounds away do you think you are from your target weight? 40 pounds

It’s crazy because most of these things are still applicable today in 2020. I have the same tools that I have used before to successfully lose weight but there is more work I have to do mentally and emotionally so that this time when I lose the weight, I can keep it off. I started today 245 pounds. My goal is 200. I am starting today on the Master Cleanse. I feel clearheaded and super productive today as I am also doing a social media fast. This morning I started struggling to get up, with achy joints, back pain and swollen and numb hands and feet. This cleanse will bring back the vitality and strength that I know is within me while helping me deal with the food addiction I believe I have. 

Let me know if any of this resonates with you... 

Day 3 and 4

Still feeling good! The numbness and tingling I was feeling in my hands every morning is gone. I have plenty of energy! I'm feeling good going forward and I keep reminding myself that this weight loss thing is a marathon not a sprint. Let's get our goals for 2016 ready. What is your weight loss goal for 2016, and what are you willing to risk to attain this goal? I accomplished so much last year, but it came with sacrifice. I exercised when I'd rather be sleeping, I saved when I'd rather have been shopping, I sacrificed and it paid off. But it takes a while to see results! So you have to do the work even when you don't see results. Change takes time and you are so worth it!!!!!

Day 1 & 2

I love the Master Cleanse. After feeling so sluggish for months and dragging myself out of bed, I woke up this morning without an alarm. I feel so alive. And to not have to decide what to pack/cook/eat- it's a great feeling. I'm down two pounds. I woke up at 4am when I drank Smoove Move so I skipped it last night. I'm down 2 pounds. Excited!!!!

Biggest Loser

I set my DVR to tape Biggest Loser tonight. This show was a great motivation to lose weight. I will never push myself as hard as the contestants on Biggest Loser are pushed. It feels like nothing to work out and break a sweat after watching this show. Everyone has to live with what they choose to do to lose weight. I have family and friends who chose weight loss surgery and loved their decision and other who did the surgery and had regrets. At the end of the day each of us has to live with the decisions we make. 

I would really encourage you to do things you can live with for the rest of your life. Make choices that bring you some sense of enjoyment. I drag myself to the Wii to do yoga or dance aerobics or Zumba and as soon as I start, I'm loving it. Treadmill and weights- not so much. So I "earn" the fun workout by doing the treadmill and weights first, then topping it off with yoga (the reward) and a rest day. I can do that for the rest of my life. We have to build strong bodies and get our cardiovascular health in order. We have to see the Dr to get his/her approval before beginning any workout or diet plan. I am not a Dr and this blog should not be used as medical advice. I'm just a woman who got tired of seeing women that looked like me sick and dying. We will encourage each other and keep losing weight and making healthy choices! Join me tomorrow to see how Day one of the Master Cleanse went!

Reset

So what happens when you are unmotivated, tired, sluggish, irritable? This happens to be one of those times for me. I am so happy and proud of my hard work in 2015 but after taking the holidays "off" (something I'm rethinking for next year), I am having a really hard time getting recharged to lose these last 20 pounds to my goal. Times like this I call on the Master Cleanse to help me detox and refocus. I found the Master Cleanse in 2005. My friend and co-worker Denise introduced it to me. Denise was diagnosed with MS in her late 20s and told she would never have kids because of the rapid progression of her disease. Denise researched and found the Master Cleanse. Through the cleanse, as well as a healthy diet, which was a core tenet of her Seventh Day Adventist belief, she was able to halt the progression of MS and give birth to three healthy children. I was always more prone to holistic ways of healing versus medication and I knew that MS was a devastating disease, so my interest was piqued! I could not believe how I felt on the cleanse. How lemon juice, grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper in distilled water could boost energy and improve your mood and the weight just fell off. I've done the Master Cleanse at least once a year for the past ten years. When I was diagnosed in 2009 with fibromyalgia, an auto-immune disease, I found that the Master Cleanse along with a semi-vegetarian or vegan diet took away all symptoms of pain, ache and fatigue. The cleanse must be followed for a minimum of ten days (the longest I've done is 30 days). Every night of the cleanse I drink Smooth Move, a detox tea. So to get out of this rut, caused by an overload on carbs and sugar and a lack of exercise, I will be cleansing for 10 days. Read my previous posts on the cleanse, google, or in Columbus visit HSU where you can find the items to purchase as well as the books. Take a day to research and we will start bright and early Monday morning!

Find Rest

It is so important that we find time to rest. For so many of us, between our careers, marriages and children, we are constantly on the go. But it is impossible to lose weight if we are not getting enough restful sleep at night. Take an accessment of how many hours you are sleeping every night. If it's not at least 7 hours you should consider changing your nightly routine. Here are things you can do to help: 

1. Go to bed at a decent hour. DVR that show or news broadcast and watch it tomorrow. 

2. Turn off the lights, laptop and TV. In order to get a deep sleep there should be no other lights on in the room. 

3. Journal or read before going to bed. Especially if you are prone to worry. Writing everything on your mind tricks your brain into thinking you did something about your problems. 

4. Medidate and/or pray: This puts you in a peaceful mindset to sleep.

5. Turn off the ringer on your phone- especially turn off notifications for facebook, messenger and email. 

6. Turn on white noise- if you have trauma in your past- every little nouse may wake you up. There are white noise apps to help you tune out the other noise in the house. 

7. Exercise: Exercising earlier in the day means a more peaceful sleep at night! 

Here's wishing you sweet dreams!

Love Yourself Now

I've said it before but I must say it again. You must love yourself and your body in order to properly care for it. Everything in our culture, for a long time in the 80s  was the opposite of self-love. I went to elementary school and learned my nose was too big, my butt was too big, my hair was too nappy (and I had a perm since I was 4), I was too loud, too angry... You get the point. I was 8 years old. It took years to accept and love myself for who I am and to stop seeing myself through other's lenses. So before we move any further in getting healthy and losing weight let's make sure we are doing it from a place of love, not punishment or condemnation. We eat fruits and vegetables to nouish our bodies; we exercise to keep our joints used to moving and muscles engages and heart beating steadily. We buy ourselves clothes that fit so we can move without restriction. We should keep our nails neat, feet moisterized, hair conditioned, lips soft for us first- then for our spouses and the rest of the world. The most attractive thing to a woman is confidence. Confidence comes from knowing yourself and accenting those things you love about yourself. If you are happy with and proud of yourself, others will catch that feeling! 

How Much Do You Weigh? Really...

I used to be in denial about my weight. I weighed 198 when I left for college at 17 in Fall of 1992 and I was a comfortable size 14. I lost down to 175 right before I got pregnant with Kalia, thanks to my roommate Dayhna Carroll who would literally take the cheetos out of my hand and encourage me to exercise (Thanks, Dayhna!) I was a happy size 14 because I loved being the big girl who could move like a little girl. Jess Bergeman and Taishya Adams and I all bonded over this! I was an up and coming rapper and performer and I was treated differently when I lost those few pounds. The looks, the stares, made me feel naked and the real me invisible. With the babies came 30 pounds and my body was comfortable at 230 regardless of what I did. I got up to 270 after the Twins and after Benji but 2015 was the first year I was serious about doing the work it took to lose the weight. 

    Weight is just a number. It's not a reflection of who you are. But the times I went from 230 to 270, I would not have weighed myself for months. I was in serious denial until Nakea Hughes rescued me with a bag of clothes that were too small for her because I was a size 24/26. That was a wake up call. We have to face the numbers. Being obese or overweight puts us at risk for PREVENTABLE diseases. We don't have to get high blood pressure or diabetes or heart disease. What you do today will help to determine your fate. So how much do you weigh, really? 

Find a system

Part of planning for your weight loss is finding a system that will work for you. It needs to be something you can do for a long period of time and it should incorporate a healthy diet and exercise. The exercise does not have to be vigorous but you should plan to move your body on a regular basis. 

      If you do not have a system yet, start with keeping track of your food. There are apps such as My Fitness Pal and Noom or you can use a paper tracker. It's also great to track your steps. You should be getting in 10,000 steps a day. There are apps for that as well. This is a great place to start if you are just starting out. You can always use these apps to challenge yourself. I only walk 3-5K steps on average so I really need to push myself to 10,000 steps. Tracking and goals and finding a system that works for you all go hand in hand. Together they equal success. 

2016- Recommitment

Last year I was talking to my cousin Tasha about how I was still struggling to lose weight. She said something profound: maybe you should stop talking about it and start doing it. I had been researching and contemplating and planning to lise weight but never stayed committed longer than two weeks. If I worked out and ate right for two weeks and didn't see results, I quit. What I realized last year was that I had to work on my level of commitment; I had to get accountability partners; I had to involve my family; I had to set attainable goals; and I had to find a way to eat right and still enjoy myself. I started last year at 247 and ended the year at 216. I have been as low as 202 this year and will get back down there. It has been a year of learning to trust myself and figuring out what works and what doesn't work. I will start piece by piece and blog through losing the 20 pounds until I get to my goals. I will utilize Daley Drops (hcg drops) and Iaso Tea along my journey as well as the Master Cleanse. Please resarch for yourself those products. Day one starts with the most important aspect of weight liss: WATER! Most of us are severely dehydrated. The first step to weight liss for me starts with drinking ONLY water. I will drink 72 ounces of water today to flush all the salty and sugary food from the holidays. Who is with me???

Day one

Anyone who is been overweight and tried to lose weight knows about Day One. It's like the day after the Big Binge, the day where you visualize going all the way this time. This day is going to be different from all the other first days. That's what we believe with all our heart. How will this be different? What will our choices be this time that will be different from all the other times? That's what I'm here to explore with you. 

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step. 

All great things begin with a catalyst. 

Today is the day that I begin. But guess what I have discovered? That today is just a culmination of all the days that have come before this. And today will build on tomorrow. And in actuality the beginning of this particular journey wasthe day you were born and the end is the day you die. If we could see our lives this way it would be helpful.

How would you live if you knew you would die from diabetes? Would you give up the pop today? If you knew you were going to die from a stroke or heart attack, would you take your high blood pressure medicine? If you knew you were going to die from interpartner violence would you heed the warning signs and get out now? If you knew you were going to die from lung cancer, would you give up cigarettes? Make the decision to live the best life you can live and not to contribute to your own demise. That's what today means for me. A chance to live my best life and change the course of my life! 

Will you join me? 

New Year, New Me (again)

Imagine that I started this blog and I don't even remember starting it! I came up with the great idea in 2012 to chronicle my weight loss and apparently I have already had that bright idea, last year. OMG.





Anyway, I did lose 20 pounds last year, now I want to continue the weight loss and get to my goal weight. I have a lot going on right now. It is clear to me that there is a connection between my weight and unresolved feelings of being unworthy and abandoned. Until I can deal with the underlying issues, I know that any weight loss I experience will be termporary.





My main reason for losing weight is to experience a better quality of life, while avoiding the health problems that plague my mother, who has high blood pressure, diabetes, diverticulitis and sleep apnea. All of which are causes of sickness and death. I also want to stop the cycle so that my children will be healthy and have abundant life.





For the next Seven Days, I will be eating Vegan in order to prepare myself for a 40 day juice fast starting 1/11/12. I am excited and a little trepidatious about the transformation that is about to take place. My support will come from my husband, who already does much of which I aspire to do, and my two oldest daughters who also need to lose weight and get healthy. Today I juiced for the first time on my new juicer that my husband bought me. It was an awesome experience. My 40 day juice fast was inspired by the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." I'm also reading the book "Transformation." Join me on this journey as I take pictures of myself daily and post them. I will also post my weight and measurements weekly.

All Great Things Start Somewhere

Somethings been holding me back. I write about it alot and think about it even more. The root is fear. This I am very clear about. However it has morphed into one very visible issue in my life, my weight. Mine is the classic life long battle with weight. I was born almost ten pounds, and my mother swears the doctor put me on my first diet by the time I was three months old. I wore a gurdle everyday from fifth grade until the end of high school. My weight never stopped me from achieving my goals or from "getting the guy" but my inability to control my weight filled the pages of my diary. At night when I dream I am size nine, I move effortlessly. I don't have to check and make sure my shirt is pulled down over my jeans. I wouldn't have to shop in specialty shops where clothes are made for "less urban" women. Most importantly I'd be healthy, free from the threats of diabetes, high blood pressure, and the other myriad of health concerns that play obese, specifically black women. As appealing as my fly new J-Hud body may be the most signifigant benefit to my lossing weight will be my improved quality of life and legacy of health for my six children. I breastfed all six of them in an attempt to lessen their chances of being obese. From a young age they were active in dance and sports. However my sedentary lifestyle and knack for fast food has had an impact. So my imputis is not just for me but for my children and my children's children and down the line.

I must be honest to admit that I weigh 259 pounds is humbling. But admission and honesty are the first steps to changing in this situation. I am happy, my life is very rewarding and fulfilling. But I want more. I want to experience my best life, to borrow Oprah's phrase. I have so many friends and family members that have climbed this mountain and lost weight for life. I just want to join them. I am inspired mostly by Jennifer Hudson's public weight loss, Yolanda Sabio, Terrel Robbinson, Ruth Carter, Marci Wasserstrom, Terree Stevenson, Nakea Hughes, Shawntay Beckford, Ashley Koff, and countless others who battle a past of obesity and make better choices daily. I am forming a plan and I am committed to doing SOMETHING daily. Feel free to comment, join me, or just pray for my strength. Ashe.