Hard Reset

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Feels like I’ve been climbing the steep hill of obesity as long as I can remember. Last year, I finally found something that worked: medically-assisted weight loss. I went to a financial planner who helped me achieve my goals of buying a bigger house, buying an upgraded car and saving $10,000. I I achieved these goals within 6 months. So I thought if an expert could help in this area, why not try it for weight loss. Just like with the financial planning, I started Options in October 2019 and by June 2020, I graduated the program shy of my goal of 200 pounds but more than happy at 212 wearing a 14/16 and a size large. It worked! I focused on increasing protein, drinking adequate water and going and staying in ketosis. The greatest thing about keto was that I didn’t have cravings! People ate pizza (my kryptonite) right in front of me and I wasn’t even tempted! I utilized appetite suppressant pills aling with lipo injections to achieve my goals.

But I took the summer off as I traveled… then I got Covid… So all weight loss plans took a back to survival- I was so happy to have survived that I wanted to live life to the fullest! And that included eating my favorites: pizza, soft pretzels, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, pancakes, you get the picture. And after a long drawn out recover from Covid- exercise was the last thing I wanted to do once I was finally able to breathe. 

I recently lost and gained the same 10 pounds through the lemonade cleanse, but when it was over, like Pookie, those foods would be calling me. There was always an excuse: Valentines Day, my Birthday, Easter…and with those days came distractions and poor choices that brought the weight right back. So I’m going back to Options to get the assistance that I need. The only thing I am going to do differently is that I am going to stay to get through Phase 2 so I learn how to eat in a way that I can keep the weight off. 

Join me for this journey! Tomorrow I meet my coach, Matt at Options. 

Amazing Journey- Day Two

I can't believe I have only been juicing for two days...Dang! Seems like I have eaten in months. Lol. I am so enjoying this process of juice fasting. Yesterday I was thinking about food all day. Now, today, I barely thought about food. Instead I had a lot of energy and I got soooo much accomplished. I am feeling like a new person is emerging. What a wonderful journey. It helps that my church is fasting and my Mom and twins Grandma have joined me along with my oldest daughters. I just feel like the Butterfly in the cocoon. The changes may not be on the outside yet, but I sure feel it on the inside.

A student came up to me after class to tell me that I looked like I was losing weight!!! What??? Go Nikka, go Nikka! But more than the outside transformation, the inside transformation is so much more gratifying. I'm able to focus and concentrate more, I am calmer, I am more patient...All things that help me be a better mother, wife, friend, co-worker. I have juiced vegetables that I never ate before (beats, Kale). I'm cool with the kale, but beats are a strong taste! But the thing is being part of this huge community that is doing something about their health! Organic milk is almost sold out at Giant Eagle, there was no kale there today- people are getting the message, and changing the way they eat- and I'm proud to be part of that movement.

I have not been able to exercise effectively. I took a nap today during the time I'd planned to exercise. But that's okay. I have 40 days to incorporate an exercise routine that I can stay with. And I may have to conserve my energy during this fast- especially in the first few days. But I feel like I can run; I take the stairs at work; I kept my work clothes and bra on all day (and it doesn't feel like my clothes are cutting off my circulation!). Change is happening.

I'm going to run myself a hot bath and soak...I so deserve it!

The trials

Difficult couple of days...So...things were going so well last time I posted. I have had an incredible amount energy, and I have completed tasks that have been on my to-do list for months. However, being Vegan has proved to be much more challenging than being Vegetarian. For one thing, I don't really like vegetables. For another thing, I don't like trying new things. Those are two bad things when trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. And then cheese is everywhere! I did so well yesterday during the daytime. I juiced grapes, apples and an orange for breakfast, had a protein shake that my husband made- with milk. That's when things got slippery. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was being so helpful and supportive by making me the protein shake. But he also bought me a vegetarian sub from Jimmy Johns. It was the bomb! But it had cheese on it...So I don't know if the cheese and milk reawakened my old cravings, or if the fact that I was working too hard to plan dinner did it, but I found myself texting my 15 year old around 7:30pm "Order something for dinner." She said, "What do you want?" I said, "Nothing." I was confused about whether I wanted to eat or not. I was so tired, and the bread from the sub was really filling. But I knew in the back of my mind, I was setting up to uhm fail, so to speak. This is what KKT (my BFF?) was worried about. That in my zeal and quest to be thin, I'd end up depriving myself and bingeing in response. It happens to so many of us with good intentions. It's why we wake up Monday morning on a diet and order pizza or chinese by dinner, or if we make it through that day, we are in Bob Evans the next morning. It's actually how we're hardwired (I'm reading a lot about this). And it's also why we lose weight and gain it back and then some after getting off a diet. What I'm doing is not a diet. It's changing the way I think about eating and food. It started years ago, and I did a lot of good work last year that led to me losing 26 pounds. I was just hoping to jump start my metabolism and weight loss with the fruit/juice fast and I was using the 7 day Vegan thing to see how ready for the juice fast I was...

So now I'm thinking, and reading and blogging. I'm trying to figure out, as Uneeka says, "What's right for me." I know in my gut that I need to do something drastic, that left to my own devices, I will end up like my mother. And the image of my mother giving herself an injection of insulin daily is my motivation.
Today was a lot better. I'm not beating myself up over last night. After all I just polished off my daughter's manicotti and garlic bread (at least it wasn't pizza, lol). I feel like I'm in this for so many people and I want us to be healthy and happy. Signed, Trying to find my way

Good Choices

Day One- Vegan

Today I made good choices. I woke up this morning with "workout" on my mind. I know if I do a workout, I will feel accomplished and it will be easier to make better choices throughout the day. I laid in the bed and visualized myself doing planks, push ups and sit ups. I woke up, took the older girls to the bus stop, and while the baby slept, I did those planks, push ups and sit ups (8). Then when my 10 year old son woke up, I did yoga with him. That was so much fun, relaxing and invigorating at the same time. Then I journaled, read the Bible and measured myself. It's imperative that you know your numbers when you set out to gain control of your eating and weight.

My numbers? This morning I weighed 245.0, (down from my high in April 2011 of 266) my blood pressure is 126/84. My waist measurement is 41.

Since posting my plans to do a 40 day juice fast, I've heard from a lot of people who feel that my juice fast is too extreme. When I went to Chipotle this afternoon with my husband and daughters, he was shocked when I ordered romaine lettuce, plain. He told me this evening he thinks I'm going too extreme with my diet. I don't plan on depriving myself. I just feel like I have the rest of my life to eat what I want. But right now, in this moment, I want to lose weight. I want my outside to match my inside.

Today, going vegan, (with no sugar) I had more energy and more excitement than I have had in a while. I am taking all the comments in consideration. I may do a modification of the 40 day juice fast. I think there is something to be said for the clarity gained during a fast. And I am not expecting this fast to be the end all be all (well yes I am). But the movie, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" really resonated with me. I don't want to be on medication. I want to allow my body to heal itself from the inside.

reading this book: Transformation by Bill Phillips and I will be exploring the questions that he poses. This book is about not just losing weight but dealing with the issues that caused you to put on the weight in the first place. I've been dealing with all those issues for the past year. I love myself and where I have come from. I love the person that I have become. And honestly, I have loved my fat. I have to grieve what it stood for- the protection I thought it offered and the comfort. It is difficult to let this fat go. But it must go. I love what my friend Uneeka said #skinnygirlinside. I don't think there is a skinny girl inside, but there is a healthy girl inside who doesn't need food to be her friend...

New Year, New Me (again)

Imagine that I started this blog and I don't even remember starting it! I came up with the great idea in 2012 to chronicle my weight loss and apparently I have already had that bright idea, last year. OMG.





Anyway, I did lose 20 pounds last year, now I want to continue the weight loss and get to my goal weight. I have a lot going on right now. It is clear to me that there is a connection between my weight and unresolved feelings of being unworthy and abandoned. Until I can deal with the underlying issues, I know that any weight loss I experience will be termporary.





My main reason for losing weight is to experience a better quality of life, while avoiding the health problems that plague my mother, who has high blood pressure, diabetes, diverticulitis and sleep apnea. All of which are causes of sickness and death. I also want to stop the cycle so that my children will be healthy and have abundant life.





For the next Seven Days, I will be eating Vegan in order to prepare myself for a 40 day juice fast starting 1/11/12. I am excited and a little trepidatious about the transformation that is about to take place. My support will come from my husband, who already does much of which I aspire to do, and my two oldest daughters who also need to lose weight and get healthy. Today I juiced for the first time on my new juicer that my husband bought me. It was an awesome experience. My 40 day juice fast was inspired by the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." I'm also reading the book "Transformation." Join me on this journey as I take pictures of myself daily and post them. I will also post my weight and measurements weekly.

All Great Things Start Somewhere

Somethings been holding me back. I write about it alot and think about it even more. The root is fear. This I am very clear about. However it has morphed into one very visible issue in my life, my weight. Mine is the classic life long battle with weight. I was born almost ten pounds, and my mother swears the doctor put me on my first diet by the time I was three months old. I wore a gurdle everyday from fifth grade until the end of high school. My weight never stopped me from achieving my goals or from "getting the guy" but my inability to control my weight filled the pages of my diary. At night when I dream I am size nine, I move effortlessly. I don't have to check and make sure my shirt is pulled down over my jeans. I wouldn't have to shop in specialty shops where clothes are made for "less urban" women. Most importantly I'd be healthy, free from the threats of diabetes, high blood pressure, and the other myriad of health concerns that play obese, specifically black women. As appealing as my fly new J-Hud body may be the most signifigant benefit to my lossing weight will be my improved quality of life and legacy of health for my six children. I breastfed all six of them in an attempt to lessen their chances of being obese. From a young age they were active in dance and sports. However my sedentary lifestyle and knack for fast food has had an impact. So my imputis is not just for me but for my children and my children's children and down the line.

I must be honest to admit that I weigh 259 pounds is humbling. But admission and honesty are the first steps to changing in this situation. I am happy, my life is very rewarding and fulfilling. But I want more. I want to experience my best life, to borrow Oprah's phrase. I have so many friends and family members that have climbed this mountain and lost weight for life. I just want to join them. I am inspired mostly by Jennifer Hudson's public weight loss, Yolanda Sabio, Terrel Robbinson, Ruth Carter, Marci Wasserstrom, Terree Stevenson, Nakea Hughes, Shawntay Beckford, Ashley Koff, and countless others who battle a past of obesity and make better choices daily. I am forming a plan and I am committed to doing SOMETHING daily. Feel free to comment, join me, or just pray for my strength. Ashe.