The More things Change, The More They Stay the Same

 It’s February 20th and I’m up in my gym clothes ready to go. I have really struggled staying consistent with diet and exercise since 2021 when I successfully lost weight on Options Medical Weight Loss.using high protein bars and shakes I lost 45 pounds in 4-5 months. It was amazing! But it was not sustainable because I started to eat my “regular” diet and the weight came right back. 

So now I’m recommitting myself to something I can do long term. I don’t know exactly what that looks like but I know in order to keep my fibromyalgia flares under control it has to be low carb and low sugar. That was the good thing I learned at Options. Don’t eat anything over 5 grams of sugar or 5 grams of carbs and eat protein at every meal. I’m counting down to a trip to Vegas to see Usher! And then another trip to Cancun! So today I’m going to walk my dog, Princess, then hit the gym. 

 It's hard to believe I'm back here again. If you've read my blog, you know that weight is an issue for me. I'm not one of those people who can eat regular and stay at a healthy weight. As a matter of fact, the only thing that has worked for me in order to lose weight has been extreme deprivation. And you know what happens with that, there is usually a yo-yo affect. That's why the majority of people with weight issues gain the weight back within 5 years. I am that statistic. I had major weight loss in 2021 using Options Medical Weight loss. It was a meal replacement plan where you ate 4-5 bars and shakes a day and then ate a dinner comprising a vegetable and a meat. It was simple and it worked well with my busy lifestyle. I would keep the bars and shakes behind my desk in my credenza and eat them in between meetings. They I would vary whatever my family was having to eat just the meat and the vegetable or I would eat one of my frozen keto meals. My favorite was the keto pizza I found on Wio Diet website. It worked well. I started at 250 and got down to 212 before I hit a plateau. I didn't exercise and as a matter of fact, every time I exercised, I'd gain weight. I assumed it was because of the inflammation that exercise caused. I never liked working out anyway so that worked fine for me! I started October 2021 and made it through the holiday season and by May 2021 I was ready to graduate from the program. 

The summer came, and the food at the summer festivals came with them. The world was opening back up after the pandemic lock down and I hadn't accounted for how much of my staying power during my diet, had to do with the fact that I wasn't going anywhere. I was on an appetite suppressant as well, that you can only be on for six months, and once I was off of that- and my appetite came back- it was a real problem. 

Within a year, I had gained all the weight back that I lost. Some of the weight gain was due to emotional eating. I've had a rough summer. I was in the hospital with one of my teenage Twins due to her liver enzymes being off. At the same time, one of my best friends went in the hospital for gallstones and passed 23 days later from Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. My grandmother, in the midst of dealing with all of this - had a stroke. It was a lot, everyone was leaning on me and I was holding it all together using food as my crutch. I'm still using food as my crutch. 

I have something called "Back to Basics," and that's like the equivalent of a hard reset on a computer. It's an all or nothing technique, which my therapist is  trying to get me to go away from black or white thinking. But with the "Back to Basics" I employ all of the things that have helped me in the past and it includes: 

* Journaling/Blogging
* Prayer
* Meditation
* 64 ounces of water (only) to drink
* Cleanse (Master cleanse or smoothie cleanse)

*30 minutes of movement 5 times a week

Using this method, I have gotten back on track to healthier eating and jump started my weight loss. I have avoided doing this because I have tried to find some grey area where I am eating healthier and making better choices but knowing my body, this is just not enough. I will continue to give in to the carb cravings until I get back to basics. So this is the day before I take the plunge. I'm trying to work out the details so that I leave no room for error. Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. It is important that I hold myself accountable.  

Hard Reset

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Feels like I’ve been climbing the steep hill of obesity as long as I can remember. Last year, I finally found something that worked: medically-assisted weight loss. I went to a financial planner who helped me achieve my goals of buying a bigger house, buying an upgraded car and saving $10,000. I I achieved these goals within 6 months. So I thought if an expert could help in this area, why not try it for weight loss. Just like with the financial planning, I started Options in October 2019 and by June 2020, I graduated the program shy of my goal of 200 pounds but more than happy at 212 wearing a 14/16 and a size large. It worked! I focused on increasing protein, drinking adequate water and going and staying in ketosis. The greatest thing about keto was that I didn’t have cravings! People ate pizza (my kryptonite) right in front of me and I wasn’t even tempted! I utilized appetite suppressant pills aling with lipo injections to achieve my goals.

But I took the summer off as I traveled… then I got Covid… So all weight loss plans took a back to survival- I was so happy to have survived that I wanted to live life to the fullest! And that included eating my favorites: pizza, soft pretzels, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, pancakes, you get the picture. And after a long drawn out recover from Covid- exercise was the last thing I wanted to do once I was finally able to breathe. 

I recently lost and gained the same 10 pounds through the lemonade cleanse, but when it was over, like Pookie, those foods would be calling me. There was always an excuse: Valentines Day, my Birthday, Easter…and with those days came distractions and poor choices that brought the weight right back. So I’m going back to Options to get the assistance that I need. The only thing I am going to do differently is that I am going to stay to get through Phase 2 so I learn how to eat in a way that I can keep the weight off. 

Join me for this journey! Tomorrow I meet my coach, Matt at Options. 

Just Keep Swimming

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. It was so difficult to get moving again, but now on Week 2, Day 3, I feel so much better. I'm drinking more water, my skin is clearer and I can move easier. This was definitely much needed and I know I say this every time but why in the World do I stop moving?

A body in motion likes to stay in motion, but once you get sedentary, you'd rather go to the dentist than work out (and I hate the dentist), so what is it that makes it so hard to start again when we stop?
I'm reading a book that may give a clue- it's called "Habit" and it is about how our brains are wired to reduce the amount of brain energy (for lack of a better word) that it takes to do tasks that are repeated. This is why we go on auto-pilot when we drive to work and we don't even remember getting there but it was so difficult the first time we drove. Remember the first time you had to shift gears! Or even use the blinkers! We have come a long way.

So that same component will make it easier for us to be healthy. The hardest thing is just to start! If you start, you increase your chances that you will be able to continue and be successful. I'm also trying to remove the notion that there is an end to this healthy lifestyle. This is life. There is no birthday, cruise, class reunion, or beach trip that will get you to where you want to be for life. I have FINALLY come to realize, (thanks Mama Sabio), that this is an everyday, all day thing.

It starts with you...Now that the gyms are closed, you have to find the motivation within yourself. In my dissertation I have studied a lot about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is where you decide within yourself what the motivation is and you are determined to do something. External motivation are the things I listed earlier, doing it because of outside pressure like wanting to look good or someone saying something about your weight. What research shows is that extrinsic motivation only helps on a temporary basis. For long term success, there needs to be intrinsic motivation. So write today what your reasons are for getting healthy- notice that I said getting healthy and not losing weight. So during COVID let's not worry so much about weight. Let's focus on starting the great habits now that our future selves will thank us for later!

Hitting my Stride

Feeling good because I’m hitting my stride. I’m in week 2 and down 5 pounds. I’m feeling good. I posted a picture of myself on Facebook where I was not completely happy with how I looked. But I posted it anyway because I need to be honest about how I look and what that’s the result. When you don’t workout and you don’t concentrate on what you eat- it is reflected. And that’s what I had to sit with. That’s not what I want to reflect moving forward. I want to look like I love myself and put myself first. It’s crazy because we live each day so concerned with how we impact others, but so little to how we impact ourselves. What we do and say to ourselves is the most important thing we can do but we spend so little time focusing on this relationship. Love of self for some people is so normal. For others of us, it had to be learned over time. I started really falling in love with myself as a single mom of 5. I realized that the companionship and unconditional love I was seeking in men I had to be committed to finding within myself. And also that I deserved to love myself the way God loved me. It wasn’t overnight and there were times I had to fake it until I could make it. But over the 2.5 years I was abstinent, I found a deep, enduring love for myself. I am hoping that this love carries me through my health (almost said weightloss) journey. If you love something, you are always thinking about what’s best for them in the long run. And even if it’s uncomfortable for a season, you know it will pay off in the end. Working  out, intermittent fasting, low carb and water, water, water may not (ever) make me skinny overnight. It takes committment, perseverance and I commitment to love myself how I am while also loving  the future me that I’m working for, now. 

Back in the Saddle

Today is Day Two of me making a conscious effort to improve my health. I think what I'm learning from years of dieting and yo-yoing is that there has to be a constant concerted effort. Our baselines are usually the way we were raised. Unless we make a concerted effort to do something different. I don't know why this is so much harder than other things in my life that I have done I have been able to change many of the expected trajectories in my life. From finishing college with a baby to going on to law school and changing personal decisions such as partying and imbibing... I have changed things, but when it comes to food, in the words of Tyrese, "Everytime I leave, something keeps holding me back, me back." It's not that I love food, or that I'm a foodie. I'm actually pretty picky when it comes to food. But I love the comfort that food brings. It has been my friend and confidant for a long time. I was a latchkey kid and food was my comfort from loneliness. I suffered from feelings of abandonment after my parent's divorce and food filled the void that my father left. But even though I have loved food for so long, I know the kind of food that I love does not love me back. As a matter of fact, it is a self-destructive kind of love. Like domestic violence, the ads and commercials for pizza are mesmerizing, just like the presents that the violent spouse buys to woo you. But then, after the meal ends, and the bad feelings start to set in, we realize that we fell, once again for the okey doke. And now we are further from our goals and closer to our demise.

That's deep. How do we develop a healthy relationship with food? If you know, please comment below. I know that when I eat "healthy" I don't have the endorphins or feelings of content that I have with carbs and processed food. I read "Fast Food Nation" https://www.amazon.com/Fast-Food-Nation-Dark-All-American/dp/0547750331 so I know that the almighty dollar was of major concern when food was developed in America, it was not our welfare. How do we overcome that?

Let me pat myself on the back: I have come a long way. I used to eat fast food at least 3-5 days out of the week and there are times in my life that I know I ate fast food 5-7 days of the week. I used to drink pop everyday and paid no attention to my weight or my health. I've had times in my life where I went months without vegetables and days drinking everything but water. It is a miracle that I am as "healthy" as I am but my body has taken a beating. There is a concept called "weathering" https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470581/ and this concept refers to the wearing that occurs overtime with severe and acute stress. It shows up in the form of sickness and mental health issues and it is related to the topic I brought up yesterday: ACE scores (Adverse Childhood Experiences) https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html.

Chronic abuse and stress will have an impact on your physical health and one of the most common phantom diseases of people with chronic stress is something I live with: Fibromyalgia. There is a lot that is not known about Fibromyalgia but it is defined as the prevalence of widespread pain with an unknown origin. It's like your pain receptors just turn up one day and don't ever turn down. It can sometimes hurt to hug or to move, to exercise can be excruciating, but many people keep moving through the pain. They get up everyday and push through the pain to work, love and take care of their family. All of you living with Fibromyalgia- I see you and I salute you. This illness is real although no one can see it, and it may have it's roots in physical or emotional abuse or car accidents or other kinds of trauma. If you have Fibromyalgia and have experienced any of those things, please comment below. We need to band together, especially at a time like this where our stress is high and likely to be a trigger.

One of my triggers for Fibromyalgia is high sugar, high carb diet. I can only go off the grid with my eating for so long before I feel that familiar stiffness in the morning, followed by all day back and arm pain. Next I will struggle to walk up and down the steps without pain in my knees and hip. Then the fatigue hits. I have found that doing the Lemonade Fast or Master Cleanse https://themastercleanse.org/ over the years has kept my Fibromyalgia in check when I do it at the first sign of pain. I have been blessed to find a diet that works for me (low carb, low sugar) and fasts are the best when it comes to abating my pain quickly.

One of the worst things we can do is to give up on ourselves and our health. There is always something we can do. Queen Afua https://queenafua.com/ and JJ Smith https://www.jjsmithonline.com/ both talk about praying and finding cures for their illness through all natural food. It also happened to Stanley Burroughs who created the Lemonade Diet. The cure for what you are living with can be found. We cannot give in to emotional eating and forget that the bible says, "Physician, Heal Thyself." There are so many people springing up with gifts to help us get through from herbalist, to Jewelers and those who make scrubs and soaps. I'll post a few of my favorites.

So Day 2- it was much easier to get up and exercise. It was much easier to choose healthy foods. I feel like I'm on my way, but I know enough to know I have to plan and be diligent. Looking forward to what Day 3 brings.!

Carpe Diem- Seize the Day

My weight loss this year has not been going so well. I weighed in this morning at 246. That's been holding pretty steady despite my master cleanse done earlier this year and some liquid drops I bought late last year. It also stayed constant despite the fact that I had pneumonia- (looked an awful lot like COVID-19 symptoms right before the quarantine). Despite being sicker than I ever remember being, I maintained a healthy appetite and didn't lose any weight.

This past week was Passover and Easter and I came up with every excuse not to work out and eat more fruits and vegetables. Food was bringing me comfort and in a time of anxiety and uncertainty. Emotional eating was defintely something that brought comfort. But this time of year is about sacrifice and sacrifice for a greater good is always worth it. So I am bunkering down and focusing on the healthy habits that I want to make a part of my life long-term.

Having a high ACE score makes poor outcomes like Diabetes and High Blood Pressure more likely, so in order to counter these negative outcomes, one must work harder to incorporate good habits. This is what I'm writing my dissertation about: the likelihood that having a high ACE score will make you more or less likely to graduate from High School or College. The irony in knowing that having a high ACE score makes it more important to exercise, or eat right, it makes it harder (I believe), to incorporate these positive behaviors because we are wired in some way to be predisposed to behaviors that while feeling good in the short run, are harmful in the long run.

So now, instead of focusing on my weight, I'm focusing on the end game. One of my mentees asked me to help hold her accountable for losing weight and getting in shape. That was a turning point. I cannot give what I do not have. So in mentoring her, I was mentoring the stubborn part of myself. And we wrote down our goals, and we have a plan, and now I have to be accountable because no Mentor wants to let her Mentee down.

Exercise- it's a must. Besides being one of the things that reduces the risk of you having a heart attack and stroke, it also reduces the likelihood that you will develop high blood pressure and diabetes. I just got my blood pressure back to normal and I intend to keep it there! Exercise is also a powerful anti-depressant. Find something you like to do and do it- and add music. My playlist this morning, along with reading Essence magazine, made my workout very enjoyable (surprise- I'd been putting it off and dreading it for weeks!). I put exercise on my schedule like it's a meeting. And to make myself do it this week- I cannot watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta unless I workout 5 times this week. How's that for motivation??

Water- If you are not getting enough water, you body cannot run the way it was intended to run. I've been also struggling with water intake (bonus- exercising will make you thirsty which will make you drink more water!!!). I added strawberries and lemon to my water this morning and I have put my water on my schedule- 20 ounces by 10am, 20 ounces by 12;30pm and 20 ounces by 5pm. If you must drink anything other than water, challenge yourself to only drink it with meals and drink water at all other times. I'm just drinking water and tea.

Sleep- Make sure you are getting 8 hours of sleep a night. If you sleep less than that you are more likely to overeat. I set my alarm to remind me when I should go to bed and then I do my meditation before I go to sleep.

Prayer/Mindfulness/Meditation- One of the blessings of the pandemic that has hit our society is that we have had to slow down. Even those of us who are working don't have the hustle and bustle of getting out the door and getting through traffic everyday. In those quiet moments that we have exchanged, we can add a prayer, moment of mindfulness and/or meditation. Just being grateful for the moments we have because we don't know what tomorrow will bring is a moment of mindfulness. A prayer of thanksgiving for our breath and our life. I do a formal meditation with Oprah and Deepak (my peeps) on their app every evening. Let me know if you need the information, I will post.

Journaling- This one is BONUS- what I'm doing now counts for journaling, but I also have a paper journal that I wrote in last night that set me up for success today. I have another blog I'll be writing in as well about the issues that have arisen since this pandemic because I want to memorialize all that is going on. If writing is not your thing, I encourage you to try it. Just put pen to paper and start writing (I had no idea what I was going to write about in this space- I just started writing!).

We are all in this together. This pandemic has been the great equalizer. If you have always wanted to start something- now is the change. Google. I'm even taking a class at Harvard right now because I always wanted to. The sky is the limit. Let's seize this opportunity. Carpe Diem.